


Building Home

by SemperAeternumQue



Series: Never Coming Home [6]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Blood, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Changing POV, Cherri Cola Has Issues, Death, F/F, Families of Choice, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags will be updated as the story progresses, What Have I Done, dear god there is so much angst, each chapter has warnings for it in the notes, no beta we die like the fab four, so many ocs like so many fucking ocs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemperAeternumQue/pseuds/SemperAeternumQue
Summary: The story of 109 WKIL, from the mother that began it to the daughter who saw the end of it.Formerly "Coming, Coming Home", first part in what will hopefully be a trilogy.
Relationships: Agent Cherri Cola & Dr. Death Defying (Danger Days), Original Killjoy Character & Agent Cherri Cola, Original Killjoy Character & Dr. Death Defying
Series: Never Coming Home [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865842
Comments: 79
Kudos: 17





	1. Do you want to live out loud?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello fuckers! This is the ridiculously long fic I've been vagueposting about for like weeks. 23k words sitting in a doc! I'll be trying to post maybe once every two weeks, but once school starts again it will be a lot harder to get out 3k words in a week. I have seven chapters written, so I'll consistently update for probably 2-3 months and then no promises after that. This is going to be a fucking epic. 
> 
> Note that not all warnings in the tags apply to all the chapters, so I'll be warning for triggering/upsetting content in each chapter individually in the notes. Please read them! 
> 
> You all also get to play a game of 'guess which song the chapter title is pulled from', which is made more difficult by my music taste ranging from musicals (les mis! DEH!) to my chemical romance. I'll let you know what the chapter title was from in the notes of the next chapter! The POV switches each chapter, so that info is also in the notes.
> 
> POV: Dr. Death Defying.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: None! Surprisingly.
> 
> Pronoun guide for this chapter:  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/him and they/them  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> White Lily - she/her

It began with a handheld radio.

The killjoy who was already beginning to be known as Dr. Death Defying had stolen quiet a few of these portable transmitting devices when he left the army of the corporation called Better Living Industries. Now, he began to give them out, one after another, to the small clusters of rebels who were just beginning to call themselves killjoys. With those, the groups kept each other updated for a while, passing whispers back and forth over the airwaves. The positions of squads of dracs, who had extra supplies, where there were good buildings to scavenge from or shelter in.

Those were highly effective in the small rebellion, news passing quickly between the few rebels, but as more killjoys began to enter to desert, take up the colors and masks and ray guns and form themselves into a true rebellion, it was getting to be not enough. 

“We need something with a wider reach.”

Dr. Death Defying was sitting at the so-called strategy table (which in actuality was a shitty kitchen table strategically repurposed), listening to White Lily talk about rebellion. It was another ordinary afternoon, or as ordinary as one could get in a post-apocalyptic nuclear desert plotting to overthrow an evil mega corporation. The sun was shining brightly overhead, and he and his best friend, the fiery spirited White Lily, were in a partially wrecked house out in Zone Four, where they had been staying for most of the time since the Helium Wars. Both former soldiers, they had served together for a little bit after D had first been recruited. He had been transferred to a different squadron soon after, and they hadn’t deserted together, but they’d met up after the wars and become close friends. Two dreamers who wanted to save the world, she had said. And so now they were trying to do just that, one killjoy recruit at a time.

“If this is going to be a true revolution, Walkie-talkies aren’t going to cut it,” White Lily went on. “We need a way to reach more people. Get the word out quicker.”

“Did you have any particular ideas?” Dr. Death Defying asked dryly.

Her eyes gleamed in the way that meant she did, in fact, have an idea. “A radio station.”

“A what?”

“A radio station. I know I sound crazy, but hear me out. If we can get our hands on the equipment, a lot of killjoys already have radios and that way we can also reach the ones with only a car radio. We broadcast news- who’s dead, where bli is attacking, just generally what’s going on. We can also make speeches over the radio, like what’s his face, the president guy, did with his fireside chats."

“FDR. And _you_ can make speeches over the radio.” It wasn’t that he couldn’t, per se, but he would rather leave the main speaking part of it to her.

White Lily briefly made a sad face, but was back to determination within seconds. “Right, well I can make big speeches if you do daily announcements and news, deal?”

“Deal.” They realized a second later what they had just accidentally agreed to and sighed. 

The other just grinned. “Time to get some radio equipment!”

And so it began with a hand held radio and a duo of Helium Wars survivors, and 109 WKIL was born.

* * *

109 WKIL didn’t actually _broadcast_ until two full months and a new crew member later. It turned out to be not exactly easy to get their hands on the equipment necessary to send out signals, and neither of them knew precisely what running a radio station required anyways. They researched as best they could, asking around and reading any old books they could find, but supplies were scarce and electronic equipment especially so. And so they didn’t get the radio station fully running until after the arrival of their third crew member.

It was another of the somewhat lazy afternoons in the desert when Cherri Cola showed up at their house in a stolen BLI News Van. White Lily was gone, off talking to a small band of neutrals and trying to persuade them to aid the rebellion, so it was Dr. Death Defying who was there to see a no-longer white van screech to a stop. He kept his ray gun close as he stepped outside, since the van was Better Living Industries, but the side of it had a sprinkling of graffiti and it was covered in dust, which reassured him somewhat.

“Hello?”

The van’s engine clicked off and Dr. Death Defying breathed a sigh of relief as a lean teenager hopped out, squinting in the sunlight. They were clearly a killjoy, given the pink mask, and they also wore scuffed jeans and a too-small black jacket despite the warmth of a desert afternoon. Their hair was brown and a sandy mess, and they were perhaps an inch or two shorter than Dr. Death Defying. They were completely and utterly un-intimidating with the sole exception of their eyes, which blazed with fierce and bitter kind of anger. 

“Another killjoy?” Their voice squeaked a little, undoing any effect of those fiery eyes, and they cleared their throat. “Uh, another killjoy?”

At loss for words, he nodded. “I’m Dr. Death Defying, he/him and they/them.”

“Cherri Cola.” They fiddled with their shirt hem. “He/him.”

“So…I’m assuming you’re looking for White Lily?”

“Was actually just looking for a place to stay the night,” Cherri Cola mumbled. “I didn’t realize you were already staying here, I can leave-“

“Absolutely not, get inside.” They hoped their voice didn’t sound too firm. “White Lily and I are happy to let people stay with us who need.”

“Oh.” D pretended not to notice the relief on his face as he ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Do you want to come into the shade? It’s baking out here.” He didn’t mention how hot the other killjoy must be in that jacket.

“Yes, please.” 

So he led the strange teenager inside, half-wondering what made the teen’s eyes so old and filled with hurt and rage. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the zones, per se, but this kid’s eyes were striking in their pain.

“So, how old are you?”

“Sixteen, you?”

“Twenty. Do you want some power pup? We’ve got a bit of extra, I think.”

Cherri nodded eagerly, and he devoured everything D put in front of him. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to pull off a raid or anything, and hacking vending machines isn’t as easy as it looks.”

That would explain why he was so lean. “You’ve got the look of someone who’s been out in the desert a while.”

“Almost since the end of the wars.” There was no need for him to specify which wars. The Helium Wars loomed over everyone and everything, desert and city. 

“Ah. I’ve been here since the very end of the wars, so not too much longer than you. My friend White Lily and I were both deserters, we met up and decided to stick it to the man, as it were.” 

“So you live together?” Cherri Cola’s face had softened into curiosity.

“Yep. We’ve been sheltering in this house for quite a while now, but we’ve lived together for longer than that.” 

Cherri nodded. “I’m on my own. Runaway from Battery City, never found a crew. It must be nice to live with your friend, though.”

At that moment, said friend came tromping through the door. “Hello, D!”

“Hey, Lily!” 

Cherri waved with a quiet “Hello.”

“Hello, random stranger in my kitchen!”

Dr. Death Defying sighed. “White Lily, this is Cherri Cola, he/him. Cherri Cola, this is White Lily, she/her.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cherri said politely. 

“Nice to meet you too, kid! So I’m assuming this softy offered you a place to sleep for the night?”

“I did, he needed a place to stay.”

“Softy.” White Lily turned her grin on Cherri Cola. “You’re welcome to stay for a bit, we’ve got a nice place and an extra room, so I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

“I can pull my weight,” he offered quietly. “I know how to sew and some first aid and a little bit of fighting, but I’m not great yet.”

“What makes you think you have to pull your weight for us to give you a room for a night?” Lily’s face was genuinely concerned. “Can’t believe I’m going to say this, but chill, kid.”

There was something in Cherri’s eyes that reminded D a little of a wounded animal as he glanced up at Lily. “You’re sure I don’t have to be helpful? I can do a lot of things- okay, not a lot, but I’m pretty good at fixing things and I know how to fire a ray gun, even if I can’t really do hand-to-hand combat.”

"Well, if some dracs attack, then you can put that to good use,” D told him.

“Wait, did you say you can fix things? Tech skills?” Lily leaned forward, and D didn’t have to see her face to know what she was thinking. 

“My…I knew someone who’s an engineer,” Cherri explained. “I know how to fix a lot of things.”

“You don’t happen to know anything about radio equipment, do you?”

“Lily,” D sighed.

“Some, why?”

“We could use some help getting a radio station off the ground. And shush, D, if he’s going to stay anyways, we might as well figure out if he can help.”

“A radio station…do you have a transmitter? Or anything of the sort? And you need modulators.”

“We’ve got the modulators,” D told him. “We need a transmitter, the little one I found isn’t near powerful enough.”

Cherri Cola frowned, tilting his head. “Well, I’ve got a news van with what I’m assuming is a very powerful transmitter, haven’t tried to use it yet, though. We’d have to figure out how to make it work with audio instead of video, but I bet you could use the antenna from that. An FM station shouldn’t take too much technology, depends on how wide you want the range to be. Power is probably more of an issue?”

“We’ve got some large batteries, do you think we need a more permanent power source?”

They talked until the sun was starting to set, Cherri having quite a bit of useful advice and knowledge to supplement what little research D managed.

And after Cherri was safely asleep in the spare room, Dr. Death Defying and White Lily convened back at the shitty kitchen ‘strategy’ table. 

“You’re not seriously thinking of letting him stay forever,” Lily said as soon as she had taken her seat.

“Why not?” Usually, it would be Lily who asked this question, but “He needs a home.”

“This better not be fucking Socks all over again.” Socks, being, of course, the cat D had tried to take in during the Helium Wars. Not only had he been a lot of trouble, he had eventually run off onto the battlefield, and neither of them had been able to stop him. They could only assume he had been killed in the final days of the wars.

D still regretted that, but this was different. “He’s not a cat, Lil. But he does need a safe place to stay. Besides, you were the one who was grilling him about radio station technology.”

“At first. Then you took over with all your technical words and phrases.”

“All we were doing was talking transmitters.”

“Nerd boy.” 

D sighed. “Anyways. He can clearly be helpful, given how much he knows about radio technology and other things, and he’s obviously in need of a place to stay.”

“Well, we’ve got one of those at least,” Lily sighed. “He better end up a good radio station assistant for you.”

D knew that meant Cherri was staying. “We’ll offer to let him join in the morning.”

“We will.” Lily’s face was serious. “Be prepared for him to say no, D. We’re not famous yet, but being friends with rebellion leaders probably isn’t an easy lot.”

“Of course not.” The flashlight they had hung for light flickered. “We’ll warn him about a friendship with us means, but we can’t just kick him out.”

“Technically, we can, but we’re not going to.”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

The next morning dawned slightly overcast, which was rare in the desert. It provided somewhat of a gloomy atmosphere as Cherri Cola wandered into their living room area with a tired “Morning.” 

“Morning,” Lily yawned back. D was the only one properly awake at the crack of dawn, always an early riser. 

He found it somewhat amusing how non-functional Lily was until she had had some coffee or gotten some adrenaline from a fight. “Good morning.”

Cherri settled down in one of the chairs cautiously as Lily opened her mouth again. “So, D and I were talking. Big softy that he is, he wants to let you stay with us if you want, and I figured you might be pretty handy when it comes to radio stations.”

“Don’t let her twist it, she’s equally on board.” D resisted a sigh. “We do have to warn you, we’re leading a rebellion. Lily is, at least. I’m something like a right hand, I suppose. So it will be dangerous and difficult to be friends with us, and the radio station will not be an easy endeavor either.”

“Can’t be worse than…” Cherri trailed off. “Can’t be worse than wandering the desert on your own in a stolen news van. Do you really want me to stay?”

“Hey, we always want another pair of hands.” White Lily’s joking tone didn’t get a grin out of him. “You seem like a neat kid, why not let you stay?”

“Guess so.” Cherri yawned again. “So, do you happen to have a screwdriver? I think I’ve got some ideas about the modulators.”

* * *

So Cherri Cola came to live with them. His primary occupation was trying to get the radio station able to broadcast, alongside Dr. Death Defying, combining each of their respective technology skill with a lot of guesswork and the knowledge gleaned from whatever books they could find. He rarely went on runs with White Lily at first, but as they found out a week or so in, he turned out to be more than a decent shot with a ray gun.

“Holy fuck, Cola.” White Lily was staring at the empty can he had just knocked over- from a distance of a hundred and twenty feet, further than D or Lily had managed yet. 

“Is that a good or a bad ‘holy fuck’?”

“Good. Holy shit. D and I haven’t hit that yet, not with a shitty little ray gun like yours anyways.”

“What’s wrong with this ray gun?”

“No offense, but that’s a piece of shit.” D watched as she took the ray gun and weighted it in her hands before handing her own to Cherri. “Feel what this one’s like- it’s a little heavier, but it’s a lot nicer. Yours doesn’t even have a stun setting.”

It took him one or two practice shots, but within a few minutes he was shooting even more effectively.

“A hundred and FIFTY feet! D, did you see that?”

“I did,” D told her, glancing over at the youngest of their little trio. “Cherri, we need to get you a better ray gun.” 

The better ray gun would have to wait, though, as the next day, they finally found the last few pieces of equipment and things that they would need for the radio station. They had decided that 109 WKIL would broadcast from the news van Cherri had arrived in, since the antenna was already attached and that way it could be portable if Better Living Industries managed to track their signal. So a few days of fixing later, they had cobbled together a working radio apparatus that could broadcast at a range of thirty miles or so. It had taken a lot of swearing, banging around, and failed test runs, but eventually they had it figured out.

The very first broadcast fell to D, as it was decided he would be the main DJ, and he settled at the panel a little nervously. Cherri was crouched beside him, fiddling with the last few cords. 

“Think we’re good to go,” he whispered.

"Right. Here goes nothing.” D took a deep breath. “One-oh-nine in the sky and the pigs won’t quit, welcome to the very first broadcast by one oh nine WKIL, the rebellious radio station of the desert. I’m Dr. Death Defying, and I’ll be your usual DJ, keeping you updated on all the news from claps to raids to Mad Gear concerts.”

The script had been decided on beforehand so that he didn’t stumble too much, but he still had to pause to take another quick breath and steady himself. “We’ll be doing our broadcast at this time every morning, pretty soon after alarm clock radiation, and we’ll be fanning the spark of this desert into a flame. So tune in, listeners, for all the latest updates, weather, traffic reports, and the best music we’ve got. One oh nine in the sky, this is Dr. Death Defying signing off.”

Cherri gave them a broad grin and a thumbs-up as D fumbled to click the right buttons to get the music going. D grinned right back, and White Lily came charging into the van a few minutes later, brandishing the radio they had been using to test their broadcasting capabilities. 

“It worked! You came though loud and clear, even a good ten miles away, and you’re already getting good at this. I told you, you could do it!” She gave him a high five, grinning, and turned to Cherri. “And good job, soda kid! You’re already a radio station technician.”

Cherri laughed and high-fived her. “Wasn’t expecting to become one at sixteen, but not the worst place I could have ended up.”

They had tried to spread the word as best as possible about the radio station beforehand, so D knew there had been a fair amount of killjoys already listening to the first broadcast. And word travelled quickly in the desert, so he didn’t doubt their listener base would grow over the years. But for now, the rebellion was small, and the twenty-one-year-old leader and her two best friends were heading inside for a celebratory breakfast of power pup. 


	2. Cause I'm with you this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cherri Cola settles into living with Dr. Death Defying and White Lily, figures out that someone actually cares about him, and makes some reckless decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fuckers I know I promised this chapter yesterday but then I fell asleep because I was incredibly exhausted. So I'm posting it today because I deserve it. Also, the song for the last chapter was Revolution Radio by Green Day, which no one guessed! I'll give you a hint for this chapter- it's Very far off from Green Day or My Chemical Romance.
> 
> POV: Cherri Cola
> 
> Warnings: implied/referenced past abuse, referenced past misgendering, light panic/anxiety attack, non-graphic/canon-typical violence and injury, uhhh i *think* that's it? (I'll tell you what parts to skip in the end notes.)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they

It took a few months for Cherri to really settle in to living with the other two. He was younger than them, and lacked the shared experience of fighting in the Helium Wars. But all three of them had the shared understanding of having grown up too fast, the pain and weariness in the other’s eyes mirroring his exactly. Not to mention that running a pirate radio station and attempting to spark a rebellion did tend to bond people. Having each others’ backs in firefights, fixing the radio equipment together, and eating their meals as a group only aided that process.

So 109 WKIL slowly got off the ground, heading into the sky just as promised. Their transmitter was fairly decent, and so their range was large even if few listeners were tuning in right now. But the rebellion grew daily, neutrals and Battery City folk abandoning a more peaceful life under the hand of Better Living Industries for the wild world of a killjoy. White Lily spoke over the radio at least weekly, encouraging them to fight, to not let themselves be squashed under bli’s heel. 

“Power is not given, but taken. If you hate oppression, you better be ready to fight against the oppressor and give it everything you’ve got.” 

Cherri was sitting in his usual spot under the broadcast desk, making sure that all the equipment was running smoothly as White Lily spoke above him. Her voice didn’t have the deep, gravelly weight of D’s, but the fire in it was inspiring. There had always been something about White Lily that made people want to follow her, D had told him. Some spark in her spirit that kindled fires in others, bringing them together under her leadership. 

“Better Living may have bombs, and gas, and more ray guns than we can dream of getting our grubby little killjoy paws on. But we have something they can never replace: spirit. You can’t make a fiery heart with pills and white walls. They can take our bodies, shoot us full of plasma and throw us to the wolves. But they can never touch our spirit. Never. We will rise again, as many times as they try to throw us down.

"The spirit of the desert is something they can’t kill with any amount of laser beams. Any size of bomb, any number of exterminators. None of it will squash our spirit, and that’s what makes us invincible. As long as a single killjoy rises to fight, Better Living Industries cannot win. So get out there, crash queens! Get your vehicles, motorbabies. Angel kissers, grab your med kits, and kerosene saints, your matches. We’ve got a corporation to overthrow, and we’re not stopping at just nipping at their heels. Killjoys, it’s time to make some noise!”

She clicked off the radio. “How was that?”

“Good,” Cherri told her. “Inspiring. Makes you want to fistfight an exterminator.” 

“Oh good, that’s what I was hoping for.” Lily paused. “No fistfighting exterminators though, that’s a bad idea.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Oh yes I can,” Lily laughed. She was still grinning as she reached to help Cherri out from under the desk, a grin both achingly close and achingly far to one he remembered. There were days when she looked so much like his sister it hurt, not in her features but in the way she laughed and her teasing grin as she and D bantered back and forth. 

Cherri tried not to think about it as he pulled himself to his feet. “And how do you plan on stopping me?”

“Hmm…I think I shall tackle you.”

“Then what?”

“Make D lecture you nonstop until you fall asleep.”

Cherri laughed as they headed back into the house. "Good luck with that."

So far, they hadn’t had to move the van from its position in front of their home in Zone Four, but all of them knew it was only a matter of time before bli would be breathing down their necks.

“We have some time,” D said that evening. “Our signal will be hard to track, and we don’t have a wide enough reach to be a threat to Better Living Industries yet.”

“We’re getting there, though,” Lily commented, digging around for the last bit of power pup in her can. 

“True, we’ve got a lot more listeners now than we did before.” Cherri was already finished with his, playing with his dented spoon and reflecting the sunlight across the room idly. “It’s going to be hard to stay hidden for long, not when the other killjoys whisper about our station and spread the word between themselves.”

“The more people who know, the easier it is for Better Living to find us,” D agreed. “Of course, we need people to know so they’ll tune in, but we’ll have to be careful as we get larger.”

“Careful, careful, you’re always careful.” Lily leaned back in her chair, setting down her spoon. “I’m not saying we abandon all caution, but there’s going to be risks running a rebellion. A lot of the time, we’ll just have to decide if they’re worth taking.”

Cherri nodded, still examining the spoon. “And a lot of the time they will be.”

“Didn’t know you were such a daredevil, Cher.” He made to glare at Lily, but she went on. “You’re right though. Everything’s a risk, and we’re going to have to take a lot of them.”

“I don’t like that,” D put in.

“None of us do, except maybe Cherri the daredevil over here. But we’re doing it.”

“We’re doing it,” D agreed tiredly. 

“I’m not a fucking daredevil,” Cherri muttered. That was….mostly true. Risk for the sake of risk wasn’t exactly his thing, but risk for any other sake was. As long as only his life was at risk, it was a risk worth taking. He figured, at least.

“You’re pretty fucking daring, Cher.”

“Only risks that are worth it, though.” He pretended not to see the two older ‘joys exchange glances. 

* * *

True to their predictions, the rebellion grew. Their radio was a contributing factor, Cherri hoped. It certainly seemed to have grown in popularity as more killjoys entered the desert and more neutrals lay down their peaceful ways and took up arms alongside the killjoys. WKIL was something whispered about in killjoy circles, told to the newbies, the undergrads of the desert.

Cherri knew because he was the one who went and talked with them, the lesser-known face. Everyone recognized at very least the voices of D and Lily by now, the two radio speakers who rallied the rebels, but Cherri Cola was not a name whispered in legend yet. He was just a sixteen year old with a shitty ray gun and a bad haircut, which had advantages and disadvantages. One of the advantages was the ability to go talk to random people and be seen as relatively harmless, just a teen with a bright pink mask. There was nothing about him to suggest that he was an incredible shot with a ray gun or a dangerous fighter, not in the slightest. He wore oversized clothes and perpetually looked disheveled, so he had been told. And if you didn’t look too closely at his eyes, you wouldn’t even see the fire in them. So Cherri used that hidden advantage, appearing perfectly harmless to anyone who didn’t know him well. It was helpful for White Lily and Dr. Death Defying, since neither of them could go anywhere where there were a lot of rebels without being recognized.

And the rebellion grew and grew. Their voices were growing louder, their colors brighter even as Better Living Industries tried to squash them down. The spirit of the desert truly was rising, and a faint sense of hope had started to permeate the air. White Lily never promised that they would win. But she promised that Better Living Industries wouldn’t, so long as a single killjoy stood, and that was enough for most of the desert. 

They were teenagers, mainly. The bulk of the force that was forming the current rebellion was either teenagers, running from their pasts in Battery City, or twenty-something former soldiers of the Helium Wars, running from what they had done or trying to put it right. They were young and invincible, so it seemed. The reality that they could easily die doing this hadn’t sunk in for most of the younger population of the desert, intoxicated on freedom and the thrill of the desert.

D and Lily knew that reality all too well, Cherri knew. He knew they knew what all of them were up against, had watched death in their own right in the Helium Wars, had wrought it with their own hands. 

He knew what the consequences were too, a memory of bli employees in clean white suits coming to respectfully ‘recruit’ the person he loved most hovering behind a door in his mind. That door would remain closed, Cherri had decided. The past was the past- but he fought because of it anyways, knowing the horrors Better Living Industries had done.

Cherri might have been young, but he was no fool. He knew quite well that he could die, and he couldn’t be bothered to give a fuck, as Lily would put it. There were things more important than living to some grand old age, and this rebellion was one of them.

He would be lying to himself if he said that some part of him wasn’t in this for revenge, maybe a larger part than he was willing to admit. 

“If you take away someone’s world, they might just burn yours down,” Cherri muttered to himself, aiming his shitty old ray gun at the empty cans Lily had set up that day. Despite how long he had already been out here, they still hadn’t managed to locate him a better weapon. That was fine, he thought, he was deadly enough even without one, but D and Lily both insisted that it would be a lot easier for him with something that wasn’t outdated by at least three years. 

“What?” Cherri jumped as D came to stand next to him, aiming his own black and blue ray gun at the cans. “Did you say something, Cherri?”

“Oh, uh. Nothing.”

D shrugged, tilting his head to take aim. “You don’t have to tell me, I just figured I’d ask in case you were trying to tell me something.”

Cherri lowered his ray gun, glancing down. “I said if you take away someone’s world, they might just burn yours down.”

“Ah. True, and insightful.” Cherri didn’t have to glance over at D to know his face would be gently concerned. “Somewhat dark though, you could say.”

“Guess so.”

They were silent for a moment, apart from the zap of ray guns.

“Pasts are something to be forgotten here,” D said finally. “But if you need someone to talk to about yours, Lily and I will support you.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it, you know.”

Cherri fiddled with his ray gun. “Yeah.”

“Just putting that out there.” D turned back to their target practice. 

* * *

Despite D’s words, there was a silent agreement amongst the three of them that pasts were not to be spoken of or asked about. Occasionally, D or Lily would tell a few stories, mainly from their childhood. They rarely talked about the Helium Wars, only occasionally with each other. And Cherri said nothing about his past. Instead, he pretended not to notice the days when the other two flinched at any loud sound, and they pretended not to hear him cry out in the night, when everything was silent and there was no buffer against the memories. It was a courtesy more than anything, a way to keep each other from having to speak about their darkest times. Usually, Cherri appreciated that, finding it easier to deal with any hurt alone than worry about burdening the others.

Tonight, however, was different. No matter how much he tried to calm himself down, his breath kept coming too quickly and he couldn’t drown out the voices of his past. _Worthless, never going to amount to anything…should be more like Samantha…your grades are slipping again…never going to be a boy…_

Cherri shivered violently, even though the blanket was tucked safely over him, and climbed off the window seat he had been using as a sort of bed, picking up said blanket. It was cold in the desert at night, no use leaving it behind. 

It took him more rests of leaning against the wall and trying frantically to draw a single breath than he wanted to admit before he was down the hall to the room D and Lily had claimed. Their door was cracked open, but Cherri pushed it open a little bit further to see both of them seemingly sleeping peacefully as he stood in the doorway.

“Cher?” That was White Lily, lifting her head a bit from the mattress. “Everything okay?”

He managed to shake his head, and she gestured for him to come sit. 

“What’s going on, friendo?”

“Bad dream,” Cherri whispered.

“Ah. Those are no fun. Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Lily nodded as if to say that didn’t surprise her, and she looked dreadfully like someone he used to know in that moment. “Come on then, lay on down. D won’t mind if you elbow him, he gets up at ass o’clock in the morning anyways.”

Cherri was quite certain D would, in fact, mind, but he did as she asked anyways, settling down on the creaky mattress. White Lily put her arm out in what was clearly an offer, but didn’t touch him until he rolled over towards her. When he did, she wrapped her arm around him fully, pulling him closer, and Cherri felt like he could breathe for the first time since waking up. 

Lily didn’t say ‘I love you’ or anything of the sort, but she did ruffle his hair and give him a quiet “Goodnight, Cher.”

And Cherri didn’t say ‘I love you’ either, but he leaned into her embrace. “Goodnight, Lily.”

* * *

True to Lily’s words, it was, in fact, what Cherri would qualify as ‘ass o’clock in the morning’ when D woke up and proceeded to wake the other two up while getting out of bed.

“Is it even light out?” Cherri questioned as Lily gave a massive yawn.

“No, which is why D’s being an asshole.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, Lil. Or you, Cherri.” He didn’t question why Cherri was there, much to Cherri’s relief.

“You did anyways,” Lily grumbled, but she released Cherri and sat up. “I guess it would be time to get up soon anyways.”

“Exactly,” D huffed.

Lily just yawn-laughed as she got up, and Cherri reluctantly followed the others downstairs. They had quick breakfast in the predawn light, followed by a bit of fussing around as they got ready for D’s morning broadcast, organizing all the news and things that had come in yesterday. Killjoys had started to send them news of the desert, to the point where they got almost as much from what people sent in/dropped off/radioed to them as what Cherri found out on his almost daily runs. It was starting to pass what he could find out on daily runs, really. But he went anyways because they still needed his info, and they needed to eat.

“Bye, Lily, D!” 

“See you, Cherri,” Lily hollered back. “Be careful!”

“I will!”

The three of them split the tasks that living in the desert and running a radio station required. Today, D and Lily were taking the radio station van to drive around and talk to people, encourage them to join the cause. Cherri was taking the motorcycle to get any news and see if he couldn’t grab some power pup from a supply truck.

He sped down the road, getting in position to raid the supply truck. A one-killjoy raid was a dumb idea, for sure, but Better Living Industries hadn’t started to arm their trucks very heavily yet, and Cherri was confident enough in his ability to think he could pull it off. This was a small one, anyways.  
The initial raid went off without a hitch- the driver and few accompanying dracs were dead before they had time to see the teenage killjoy who hurried down from the dune to pull out as much of the contents of the truck as would fit in the sidecar of the motorbike. It was afterwards that became the problem, as a full two cars of bli employees came rushing towards the site.

“Fuck,” Cherri hissed under his breath. He quickly assessed his odds. One teenager with a shitty ray gun and a motorcycle against what must be at least one scarecrow and probably at least eight dracs was not good odds, but he doubted running away would be any better. They would chase him down, and then he wouldn’t even have the advantage of his higher vantage point. Hiding wasn’t an option either, given that dracs would search the entire area, so Cherri crouched behind the motorcycle and got ready to fire.

When the first person hopped out of the car, Cherri almost swore out loud. Not a scarecrow. An _exterminator_. He was so fucked. 

Cherri’s hands shook slightly as he lifted the ray gun and aimed. He had to take down that exterminator as soon as possible, or he was dead. The shakiness proved his undoing, as the shot whistled past the exterminator, missing by barely half an inch and causing the Better Living operative to turn.

 _Fuck it._ Cherri got out from behind the motorcycle and ran directly towards them, firing off shots indiscriminately. His best shot now was to overwhelm and confuse them. It seemed to be working, given that one thing they did not expect was a teenager in a bright pink mask to come running directly at them. In fact, most of the dracs froze, enough that he was able to get in a few good shots before they realized what was happening. One shot even hit the exterminator in the shoulder, but unfortunately not their shooting arm, leaving them perfectly capable of raising their gun to retaliate. 

Retaliate they did, and Cherri screamed as a shot hit him in the side. “Fuck! Fuck you!” He was shaking too hard to shoot back as the exterminator held up a hand, quite calmly.

All the dracs stopped, and the exterminator strolled casually towards Cherri. “Greetings, rebel.”

Cherri spit at their feet. 

“Rather rude of you, wasn’t that? I’m tempted to kill you here, you ill-mannered rebel scum.” They reached out and tilted Cherri’s chin up to look them in the eye, letting him see the cold fire that lingered there. 

“Get fucked,” Cherri spat out as they took his ray gun from a shaking hand and tossed it over their shoulder. 

“I do appreciate the suggestion, but I suggest you keep your mouth shut if you want to live.”

Their ray gun was positioned at his neck, and Cherri knew he had a low chance of surviving even a stun shot to that spot at such a close distance.

“I would kill you now, ill-mannered rebel, but I think I’ll let you live for one reason and one reason only- I want you to go to that ‘Doctor D’ and his friend White Lily, and tell them they will not win. We will find the radio station you killjoys speak of, we know your precious leader is hiding out in Zone Four. So go, tell them. And pray you survive that shot.”

They shoved Cherri, and he stumbled away, ignoring the pain in his side as he climbed onto the motorcycle. He revved the engine, throwing it into action and barely caring if some of the supplies fell out of the sidecar. 

The exterminator watched him go with a cruel smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For people triggered by or uncomfortable with abuse mentions or misgendering mentions: skip the paragraph beginning with 'Tonight, however, was different'. (Only relevant plot is Cherri backstory.) 
> 
> If the anxiety attack + that stuff makes you uncomfy, skip all the way to "Lily nodded as if to say that didn’t surprise her," (Cherri has a nightmare + goes to Lily, who basically goes 'okay have a hug, you can sleep here tonight'.)
> 
> For people triggered by or uncomfortable with injuries and violence (non-graphically described), skip from "When the first person hopped out of the car, Cherri almost swore out loud." to the end. (Cherri gets in a clap, gets injured, and is warned that bli knows where Lily is. He goes to go home.)
> 
> Alternate title for this chapter (which i seriously considered but I didn't want to break my song lyric theme): sometimes a family is a 21 y/o rebellion leader, her tired best friend, and the feral 16 y/o they picked up along the way.
> 
> Also the exterminator villain fuckface isn't explicitly a nonbinary character, but Cherri doesn't know their gender and unlike them, he's not rude enough to just assume what pronouns they use. And shoutout to my dad for introducing me to an musician called Moby who used a quote very similar to Lily's “Power is not given, but taken. If you hate oppression, you better be ready to fight against the oppressor and give it everything you’ve got.” which was inspiration for her little speech.
> 
> If you liked this or it gave you feels, come yell at me here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy, I welcome screaming!


	3. The day it was suddenly real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cherri Cola arrives home. Wounds are stitched, impulsive decisions are made, and no one is especially okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fuckers I have the memory of a potato and forgot to post this yesterday so have chapter 3 today! Also I have 0 impulse control and plans for the old title, so I changed it to 'Building Home'. I'm very excited for this chapter because I get to introduce some of my favorite original characters and it's the first chapter from an original character's POV, so I hope you enjoy! Also, the last chapter's title was from i hope ur ok by noll.
> 
> POV: White Lily
> 
> Warnings: Needles, blood, injury, fairly frank discussion of death and child death. (Go to the end notes for which parts to skip + a very brief summary of any plot-relevant details!)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> Autumn Assassin - they/them  
> Prince of Wales ("Princey") - he/him

Lily looked up as Cherri stumbled into the house, pressing a hand to his side and wincing. She and D had gotten back a few minutes ago, finding their mission for the day discouraging and hopeless. D was off upstairs somewhere, she thought, and she was nursing a cup of ‘tea’, which was something more approximating warm water with a little bit of some sort of dried leaf they had found in the kitchen cabinets boiled in it. They were both pretty sure it was actually parsley, but Lily insisted it was ‘minty enough’. It wasn’t as if they had anything else for tea. She would have gotten something to eat as well, but they were mostly out and they would need enough left for dinner and tomorrow’s breakfast.

So, in short, it had been an incredibly shitty day and it was about to get even worse. Given that Cherri proceeded to pass out on their floor.

Lily swore under her breath and set down her cup, hurrying over to the younger killjoy. “Cherri?”

No reply. She crouched next to the other and gently turned him over, sucking in a sharp breath at how much blood covered his side. “Cherri! D, get down here! Quickly! And bring the med kit!”

D came hurrying in a few seconds later, grabbing the first aid kit off the wall as he did. “What’s going on, Lil- Cherri!”

Lily grabbed the kit from him and dug around for the disinfectant, swearing under her breath all the while. In her opinion, there were times that called for generous usage of the word fuck, and this was one of them.

“Cher, wake up,” Lily whispered as she cleaned the wound, trying futilely to wipe away the blood so she could see.

Cherri jerked under her hands, eyes blinking open. “D- Lil- you have to go.”

“Go where?” D asked gently. It was clear Cherri wasn’t going to let them help until he passed on whatever he was going to say, so Lily let D talk.

“Go- just. Just go somewhere. They know about the radio station- bli, they’re coming to hunt us down soon. They know Lil’s in Zone Four.”

D and Lily exchanged glances.

“Go pack our stuff,” Lily told him. “I’ll take care of Cher.”

D nodded to her and hurried upstairs as she threaded the needle with hands that shook more than she wanted to admit. “Okay, Cherri, I need you to be brave. This is going to hurt like a bitch.”

“Got it.” Cherri’s teeth were clenched. 

Lily started the first stitch, trying not to flinch as Cherri gave a tiny yelp of pain. “It’s going to be okay, only a few more stitches, okay?”

She got a tiny nod and another hiss of pain in response. Every pained noise cut at her heart, but she couldn’t let Cherri lose too much blood. Only the Phoenix Witch knew how much he had lost already. So Lily put in careful stitch after careful stitch, pausing to clean the needle occasionally.

“What happened, Cher?” 

“Went to- went to raid a supply truck.” He sucked in a breath as Lily tied off the next stitch. “Exterminator was altered by the clap. Found me and shot me.”

“How the hell did you get away?” D was returning from the upstairs with almost everything they owned neatly packed away, getting ready to pack up any stuff in the living room that they’d be able to take. 

“They-“ he winced. “They let me go. Threatened me, told me to tell you two that you wouldn’t win.”

Lily glanced at D again and found that the concern in his eyes mirrored her own. “Okay, you’re all sewed up, Cherri. Let’s go out to the van.”

Cherri tried to get up, but D pushed him down firmly. “Absolutely not, you’re barely even stitched up. I’ll carry you out.”

“Fine.” Cherri didn’t resist as D picked him up, following Lily outside. She watched to make sure everything went smoothly as they set him down on the small nest of blankets and other soft things Lily had thrown together, then headed to the front. By the time D had settled next to their youngest crew member, she was already in the drivers’ seat, getting ready to take them away from here. 

Lily thought she heard Cherri mutter something about ‘I’m not a child’, but he was curled up and fast asleep within minutes as she stepped on the gas. 

And meanwhile, Dr. Death Defying made his way back up to the front of the van carefully, sliding into shotgun. 

“Feels real now,” Lily said as her best friend settled next to her. She was still carefully steering them down the road, trying not to bump too much and wake up Cherri.

“We knew the consequences from the start.” D’s voice was businesslike, but Lily could hear the strain of worry behind it.

“We did. We’ve seen enough death to know it could happen to us.” She didn’t take her eyes off the road. “But it feels more real when it’s Cher who got hurt.”

“He’s so young,” D agreed. Their voice had softened and grown quieter.

“He is. God, I know he’s hardly younger than we were when we were shipped off to fight, but he’s still a child, D.”

“I know, Lil.”

“He’s so small. So young. And he’s got that way about him like there’s kindness behind the pain. Who put him in this war? Who let him be one of our little rebel soldiers? He should be….”

“Happy,” D finished for her. “Safe. Not going head-to-head with exterminators and helping run a radio station.”

“Exactly.” Her voice shook more than she would have liked. “Are we doing the right thing, D? Can we justify letting children fight a war we know we might not win?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. 

“It’s not like we can stop them from fighting, but sometimes I question if we should encourage them,” Lily went on. “So many of them are going to die, D.”

“That’s how war is. We know that.”

"We learned it well.” She knew her laugh was a little bit bitter. “It’s still not right, though.”

“No, it’s not. But we’re not fighting for nothing. There’s a future without Better Living, and we have to fight for that. Fight for it with everything we’ve got.”

Lily sighed. “I guess you’re right. I don’t like it, but we don’t have a choice now. Got ourselves into this mess, I guess we better get ourselves out of it.”

“That’s the spirit,” D said dryly.

“You think we should send Cher away?” It was an abrupt subject change, but that was what had been hovering in her mind as she and D debated morality. “He’s going to get hurt a lot by being with us.”

“He’s going to get hurt either way. He wasn’t even with us today when he got hurt, and the exterminator didn’t sound like they recognized him. Cherri is reckless, we both know. He’s going to get hurt.”

“And it’s not like he would listen if we tried to send him away anyways.”

“That too. He would stick to us like superglue.”

Lily took her eyes off the road briefly to glance back at Cherri, who was still curled up tightly as they bumped along. Even when he slept, there was a slight bit of guardedness to him, unwilling to fully stretch out. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“Me too.”

* * *

They hadn’t known where they were going when they packed up and left the house, only knowing that they needed to get out, but a plan started to form in White Lily’s mind as they headed down the road. D didn’t question her, seemingly absorbed in his thoughts as he stared out the window, and Cherri was passed out from a combination of blood loss and not sleeping well for a while. Ever, really. Lily didn’t think he had slept through the night since he arrived- he rarely actually woke one of them up, but she was up on her own often enough when he would be awake and bumping around. So even without the ray gun wound, he definitely needed sleep.

Lily turned them off the path they had been following, pulling up in a somewhat intact town. They were parked in front of the most intact house, an almost Victorian style home with sturdy walls. This was where Lily knew she could find an old friend, of sorts. 

Autumn Assassin was somewhere between twenty-five and thirty years old, about five foot four, and utterly and completely terrifying. They were the best shot with a ray gun she had ever met, with the possible exception of Cherri, and could use a variety of other weapons with startling ease. They were also terrifyingly competent at cooking and keeping organized, and hadn’t put up with anyone’s shit in living memory. Lily had served with them for a time in the Helium Wars, and that brief service together was enough to give her a healthy respect for them. 

“Where are we?” D asked, finally seeming to come out of their thoughts.

“An old friend’s house." Lily headed into the back, grabbing one of the bags as D lifted Cherri carefully. She led the others up to the door of the old and mostly intact house, knocking once she had finished laughing at the ‘House of Soup’ spray-painted next to the door. 

Said door was opened by an unfamiliar killjoy with messy blond hair. “Hello, what can I do for you?”

“I need to talk to Autumn Assassin, do they still live here?”

“Sure do!” There was a loud crash and some yells from within the house. “I’ll get them in uhhh a second. HEY AUTUMN! WE NEED YOU UP HERE!”

A few more yells followed that, as well as one or two more crashes. “Now put that sword down or so help me!” The familiar tiny killjoy appeared at the door, putting their hands solidly on their hips. “So what is it, Princey?”

“These fine ‘joys showed up on our doorstep and asked to see you.”

“Ah. White Lily!”

“Hey, Autumn Assassin. You don’t happen to have a spare room, do you?”

Autumn Assassin looked them up and down, eyes raking over D’s tired face, the bits of blood splattering all of them, and Cherri passed out in D’s arms. “Of course I do.”

Lily breathed a tiny sigh of relief as the smaller killjoy hurried them inside. The interior of the house proved to be quite cozy, a nice living room outfitted with a verity of mismatching and likely stolen or scavenged furniture. There were also a variety of killjoys lounging around the living room and/or draped over said furniture, laughing and calling back and forth to each other as Autumn Assassin led the three of them further inside and up the stairs.

They turned left on the landing, opening the door to what had once been a bedroom, clearly. “Here you go, this is the best free room in the house, currently. We might even have an extra mattress laying around, you’ll have to give me a second to find it through.” They rummaged around in the closet of the room for a few minutes. “Ah! Here we go!”

It was a larger mattress than one would reasonably expect to fit in a closet, but Autumn Assassin had managed to cram it in there anyways, it appeared. They hauled it out and laid it across the floor of the fairly bare room. “Here you go.” 

“Thank you,” Lily said gratefully as D set Cherri down. 

“Of course. Now come tell me about your friends and how you came to be here, I’ve got to cook dinner but you can come downstairs with me.”

“I’ll wait with Cherri,” D told Lily. “He’ll probably not be very happy about waking up alone in a strange place.”

Lily nodded and so did Autumn as they tromped downstairs, shouldering past another killjoy to reach the kitchen. “And here we go, pass me that can of power pup, would you?”

Lily handed it to them. “So you’ve been living here…”

“Couple of months now, me and the brit boys settled down here first and then we acquired a couple of other friends along the way. It’s a safehouse of sorts, we give a room to anyone who needs one.”

“Gotcha.”

“So how did you come to be here with an injured teenager and that other guy?”

“That other guy is Dr. Death Defying, my friend from my very first squadron. And the teenager is Cherri Cola, a random killjoy who came to live with us after he accidentally stumbled on our house while looking for shelter.”

“Seems legit.” They were stirring a pot of power pup with a few other things thrown in. “So how did you end up here?”

“You know 109 WKIL?”

“The radio station? Of course I do.”

“We run that, you might know, and so Better Living Industries has been trying to track our signal. Cherri went out and got hurt in a clap with an exterminator, and the exterminator told him that they were close to finding WKIL, so we had to leave home in a hurry.”

“And he didn’t die? An exterminator?”

“Didn’t die, just got hurt. He’s a good shot and a much better fighter than you would expect.”

Autumn Assassin nodded, stirring the pot one more time before they put it over the fire already lit in the sink. “So you decided to come here?”

“I knew it would be safe, and I figured you would let us stay for a while.”

“Hon, you can stay as long as you need.” They made a face. “I’ve started talking like a southern grandma.” 

“You practically are a grandparent,” Lily deadpanned. 

“Rude. See if I let you stay here now.” Their voice was joking, and Lily didn’t think for a second they would actually kick her out. “But in all seriousness, you really can stay for as long as you need. You’re staying until your friend is healed at least. He looks like barely more than a kid.”

“He’s sixteen. Seventeen by now, I’m guessing, but he didn’t tell us his birthday.” She ignored the faint twinge of guilt that neither she nor D had thought to ask. Birthdays weren’t such a big deal in the desert, but they still celebrated when they could. 

“See? Child. Baby. Youngster.”

“You’re literally twenty-five.”

“I’m still not a literal child. Plus, I’m a cat grandparent.”

White Lily raised her eyebrows at them.

“Princey- his name is Prince of Wales but we call him Princey- adopted a mangy stray cat. And we’ve decided I’m the collective parent friend.” Autumn gave the pot another fierce stir. 

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” They lifted the pot off the heat. “Dinner!”

This was met by a cascade of killjoys thundering down the stairs and several more hurrying in from the living room, much to Autumn Assassin’s disgruntled “One at a time!” 

Within a few minutes, everyone had snatched one of the chipped bowls or plates (some of which appeared to actually be empty power pup cans) and were lined up neatly. D and Cherri appeared to have been alerted by the noise as well, given that they made their way slowly down the stairs after everyone else.

“Guests first,” Autumn Assassin said firmly, and the killjoys all stepped aside to let D and Cherri by. “Here you go, Lily, here you go…Dr. Death Defying, Lily said?”

He nodded.

“And here you go, young man.” They dumped some in the chipped bowl one of the ‘joys had handed Cherri. 

“Thank you,” Cherri said quietly.

“Of course. Go sit down, you three, I’m going to hand some out to the rest of this lot.” Within a few minutes, the entire household was sprawled back out around the room eating the mixture that Autumn Assassin had spooned onto their plates, and Autumn Assassin came to join the three of them over in the corner Lily had claimed.

“I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced, I’m Autumn Assassin.”

“Cherri Cola.”

“Dr. Death Defying. It’s nice to meet you; Lily said you were a friend of hers?”

“We knew each other during the Helium Wars,” Lily explained. “I figured they would be happy for us to come stay a bit.”

“And I am, you can stay as long as you need. We don’t turn away ‘joys in need in this household.” They gestured with their spoon a bit as they spoke, adding emphasis to their words. “If I have extra food and rooms, I might as well give them to people.”

“Well, we’re very glad you do,” Dr. Death Defying put in.

“Of course.”

The rest of the dinner was quiet, at least for the four of them. The rest of the room was filled with laughter and chatter and spirit, a bunch of teens and twenty-something killjoys talking between themselves and having a good time. Occasionally, one of them got up to grab more from the pot that Autumn Assassin had prepared, until the entire thing was empty and everyone seemed to have eaten their fill. After the meal was over, they all split off to different places, some off to bed and some to hang out on the roof, it seemed. The three of them went back to the little room, figuring that Cherri could use some rest and all pretty tired themselves.

Cherri was conked out within minutes, and D and Lily settled on the mattress but didn’t go to sleep just yet.

“I hope we don’t bring bli down on Autumn Assassin’s head,” D fretted softly.

“If we do, they’ll flip the corporation off and keep right on cooking,” Lily predicted with a snort.

D gave a small chuckle. “They might just, from what I’ve seen of them so far.”

“They’re terrifyingly put together. And a good fighter, but how organized they are is scarier.”

“They act like they have their life together.”

Lily flopped on her back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m pretty sure they do. Unlike us.”

“Unlike us. We’re trying to run a revolution at twenty-two and twenty-one though, I think it can be forgiven.”

“Probably.”

D groaned softly as he settled down as well. “I’m too young for achy everything.”

“So am I, and everything still fucking hurts sometimes.”

“Guess that’s life.” 

The duo stared up at the ceiling together as Cherri slept well, not exactly peacefully, but not horribly, at least. They had already talked about the morality of all this, but Lily was sure that would have been their topic of conversation if they hadn’t. It was awfully hard to decide if they were doing the right thing, sometimes. They were fighting for the future of their generation and all the ones after, but that fight would take away hundreds or thousands of futures as well. Could the death of so many people, so many teenagers, just barely out of childhood, be justified? Could she ask children to die for her? It had been an exhausting day, but even in the safety of Autumn Assassin’s house, her mind refused to rest. She had a thousand doubts and no one to say them to, not even D. They doubted too, she knew, but D had a somewhat more utilitarian approach to it all. To him, the world they were fighting for was worth all the death and pain. It had to be, or why would they fight? So Lily didn’t say anything further about it, but she didn’t sleep either.

It appeared D wasn’t sleeping as well, as they shifted slightly on the mattress beside her. “It’s real now, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s real now,” Lily agreed quietly.

In the history books that Better Living Industries would write, the Analog Wars began in 2010, when dangerous anarchists attacked a peaceful Better Living Industries encampment. In the stories passed down by the killjoys, they began a couple of months before that, with the attack on a small town of killjoys and neutrals by Better Living Industries. But to Dr. Death Defying and White Lily, the war began the second their friend staggered in the door with a hand pressed to his bleeding side and a dreadful warning on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If needles, blood and injury are triggering, skip from the very start to "Lily glanced at D again and found that the concern in his eyes mirrored her own." (Cherri arrives back and tells the others that bli is on their trail, and Lily stitches him up while D gets their stuff packed and ready to leave.)
> 
> If discussions of death are triggering/uncomfortable, skip the parts from "And meanwhile, Dr. Death Defying made his way back up to the front of the van carefully, sliding into shotgun." to "“That’s the spirit,” D said dryly." and the paragraph beginning with "The duo stared up at the ceiling together as Cherri slept well, not exactly peacefully, but not horribly, at least." (First one: White Lily and Dr. D discuss the morality of letting teenagers fight and worry about Cherri. Second one: Lily thinks about the morality of the fight ahead of them and if she can justify it.)
> 
> Well, did you like Autumn Assassin? Were there especially emotional lines? Was the house of soup actually funny? Please let me know what you thought of this, here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy!


	4. I'll keep you safe inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew settles into living with Autumn Assassin and the house of soup crew, and the Analog Wars suck ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fuckers and welcome to another chapter of Building Home! I've decided to switch to posting on Saturdays because Fridays are always chaotic, just a heads up, but I'll still be posting regularly for at least another six weeks, hopefully longer if I get my ass together enough to write the last six chapters of this in those six weeks (or at least like, Chapter 11 and 12). Anyways, the song for last week was so big/so small from dear evan hansen. This week's isn't quite so tricky, I don't think!
> 
> POV: Dr. Death Defying
> 
> Warnings: Injury mentions, death mentions. (Go to the end notes to figure out what to skip)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Autumn Assassin - they/them

They stayed with Autumn Assassin for a while longer, talking with the killjoys of the household and generally having a better time than just living alone. It was a little strange to have three of them in one small room, but none of them minded much. 

“I shared a room with my sister in Battery City,” Cherri Cola told the others. D restrained any surprise from showing on his face- Cherri almost never volunteered information about himself, and especially not his past. It was something killjoys didn’t talk about much and rarely shared with anyone except their crew. So D just nodded in acceptance.

“D and I are used to sharing,” Lily agreed. “So we’ll just have to stick it out,”

Autumn Assassin, meanwhile, had taken Cherri under their wing. They had the common trait of being an excellent shot, and Autumn had managed to get him a much nicer ray gun. 

“Scarecrow model,” They informed him. 

Cherri nodded as they positioned his hands on the new ray gun. “Right. Look around what you’re aiming at, keep your hands in this position and steady as you can, and don’t hesitate. Hesitation will kill you, kid.”

D was watching the lesson just like he had watched Lily teach Cherri, making sure Autumn wasn’t too rough. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the other killjoy- White Lily trusted them, and that was good enough for him- but he wanted to make sure Cherri’s wound healed properly as well. So he was sitting and watching as they taught Cherri how to shoot better than ever before. Cherri was taking to the lessons eagerly, wanting to learn how to fight. 

“Don’t hesitate,” he repeated, and pulled the trigger. 

Autumn Assassin whooped as the can fell. “Good shot, kid!”

Cherri was grinning as he glanced back at D. “A hundred and sixty.”

“I saw,” D grinned back. “That’s pretty fucking incredible, Cherri.”

“He’s a quick one,” Autumn agreed. “Needs to work on his hand-to-hand combat and reactions in the heat of battle, but he’s a good shot.”

“I’ll do hand to hand if you want to teach me,” Cherri offered quietly.

“Of course I do, kid, you’re a quick learner and frankly a lot of fun to teach.”

Cherri’s grin grew even wider. “I’m seventeen.”

“And I’m almost thirty, what’s your point? You’re a kid to me, even if you kick ass at shooting and probably other things too.”

“Fair.”

“Ready to kick some ass?”

“Yeah!”

“Be careful of your stitches,” D warned, but it wasn’t his place to stop Cherri. 

“I will be, don’t worry. I don’t feel like getting hurt again,” the other said dryly.

“Good, I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

“Overprotective,” Cherri said with an eye roll, but he was smiling. 

“I’d rather not have one of my best friends die because he was an idiot and ripped his stitches, thank you very much.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Cherri was…less than careful, in D’s opinion, but he didn’t rip any stitches while training with Autumn Assassin so that was a something, at least. He did, however, get very good at fighting with a variety of weapons, including but not limited to knives, ray guns, older style guns, and even simple hand-to-hand combat. Autumn Assassin’s name included ‘assassin’ for a reason, and it wasn’t that they could poison people.

Meanwhile, D and Lily dedicated their time to the radio station and recruiting more people. Killjoys had started to settle in other houses and buildings in this little town area, given how intact many of them were. It was becoming a whole little community, arsonists and crash queens living next to medics and some of the most peaceful rebels. So while Autumn Assassin was teaching Cherri to be terrifyingly good at fighting, D and Lily were wandering the area and getting to know the killjoys there.

They met Legolas Greenleaf, fantasy nerd and excellent maker of crepes, apparently, although given that it was the desert they couldn’t really verify that. He and his crew dressed like fantasy elves and kicked draculoid ass while shouting things like ‘dishonor on your lineage!’ and ‘spawn of Morgoth!’. There was also Tommy Chow Mein, who both of them knew from the wars and was running a little general store out of what had once been the town’s general store, and his assistant was a kid called Penny Pincher who had copper-colored hair and was a bit younger than Cherri.

The variety of killjoys in the town ranged from a short, grouchy killjoy who simply went by ‘Fuck’ and was one of the best medics out there to a tall, freckled killjoy called Angel Kisses who was an absolute sweetheart but would absolutely fuck you up. Ages ranged from some of the oldest soldiers of the Helium Wars (“I’m damn near forty.”) to the younger siblings and even children of some killjoys (“She’s a bit under a year, just barely weaned but we had to get her out of Battery City.”) From the news others brought in, they knew this wasn’t the only community of killjoys, but it was by far the largest. Here was where the center of the rebellion would be for another few years, and the unsuspecting Autumn Assassin’s house was at the center of it all.

Their house was already somewhat of a town hub, being the most intact and the one with the most residents, and Autumn Assassin seemed to encourage this.

“What with the amount of people here, we’ve always got extra food, and extra rooms for travelers. We’ve got the resources, might as well use them. And I don’t mind these dumbasses hanging around the living room, they bring some life to the place.” That was what they told D when he asked about it, leaning against the counter as the two of them watched the chaos unfold in their living room like it did almost every day. 

“They certainly do bring life. Also chaos.”

Autumn Assassin cackled. “That’s true. Nothing wrong with a bit of chaos, though. We are killjoys, after all.”

“True, we are.” D frowned. “Do you worry about Lil and I bringing bli down on your head?”

“If you do, we’ll tell them to fuck off.” Their face grew more serious. “I’m not kidding, though, Doctor Death. We give no fucks about Better Living, and we do give some fucks about you and your little crew. I worry a little about putting the younger members of the house in danger, but all of them knew what they were getting into. And all of them know how to fight.”

“I’m assuming you taught them?”

“How did you guess?” Their voice was utterly deadpan. “Not all of them, but yeah. I insist on teaching everyone who comes through some basic hand-to-hand combat and how to shoot a ray gun, if they don’t know. It’s my way of keeping them safe. Like your radio station.”

It was true, 109 in the sky had many goals, but one of them was keeping the killjoys safe and informed. The more they knew about upcoming dangers, the better they could fight back, and WKIL served as a hub of information. Killjoys radioed in or brought news of whatever they had found, from a supply truck that had been raided and had some extra supplies to exterminators coming to the desert. Code words were a part of this too, a cobbled together mixture of killjoy slang and actual code that served as yet another line of defense. Even if Better Living Industries figured out how to listen in, it wasn’t as if they would understand half the words being said, and Dr. Death Defying knew they had to keep it that way. Secrecy was essential to a successful rebellion, as Lily had put it. So the code was an important part of running the radio station, alongside the technology and the consistent news.

Even as they began to travel around again, taking the news van to broadcast from different Zones as a way of confusing Better Living Industries, they continued to return to Autumn Assassin’s house and the town around it as a home base. The room that Autumn Assassin had given them at the very start was theirs permanently now, and Autumn always kept it open for them. Sometimes they would be gone a day or two, sometimes an entire week or even a month or more. It depended on how close they thought Better Living Industries was to catching on, and traveling around seemed to be working as a method of confusing the corporation. In addition to the FM radio station of WKIL, multiple AM stations had sprung up that took the info from D’s daily broadcast and spread it over a wider range. Their signal was much easier to interfere with, which was why the original WKIL was an FM station, but it got the news out to the entirety of the Zones, providing an invaluable service. 

So the rebellion continued to grow, month after month, until the Zones were alive with killjoys and color, loud noise and firefights. Cherri’s training at the hands of Autumn Assassin had only made him more bold, much to D’s worry, but he had to admit that Cherri’s borderline insane antics were a very effective method. He was one of the few killjoys unafraid to fight almost any level of Better Living Industries employee, and one of the most effective at it too.

Lily, meanwhile, was working on organizing larger raids and even attacking Battery City itself. D was her right hand, as always, but he was also occupied with the radio station and other things. So Cherri had stepped partially into their role, accompanying Lily when she went on missions and standing by her side as a very effective deterrent against exterminators. Better Living Industries had intensified their efforts to find Lily and D, and Cherri was now top of their wanted lists as well. He had gone from an unremarkable and frankly unintimidating sixteen-year-old to one of the finest shots in the desert and a highly wanted killjoy, the name Cherri Cola whispered almost as often as you could hear whispers of Dr. Death Defying or White Lily.

He had gained a reputation for being one of few killjoys who usually worked alone, often taking on missions solo (and giving D and Lily a heart attack when he stumbled back in with a stab wound or ray gun shot, bruised and battered). That wouldn’t change until their last few crew members joined up, and even then, Cherri was fiercely independent both as a fighter and a person. He was loyal, that was for sure, willing to fight just about anything for D or Lily, but he would always prefer solo raids or missions.

That scared D shitless, but they couldn’t stop him and they trusted Cherri to keep himself safe, to an extent. He was still more reckless than D or Lily would like, but neither of them could really blame him. 

“I don’t know what he’s running from, but there’s something.” That was Lily, plunking down in a chair next to them.

“We’re all running from something, aren’t we?”

“Dark but true.”

The two of them knew what each other was running from better than anyone else. Both somewhat happy children back in Battery City, there was nothing in their childhood that they ran from, only a faint sense of nostalgia, but the war they had fought in had changed them both in ways they didn’t like to think about. There was a past there to run from, horrors to set right. D knew that Lily had a sense that she needed to put things right, needed to atone in some way for her deeds during the Helium Wars. If that atonement, that fight, took her life, she would accept it as such. 

It might have been selfish of him, but he would not atone. They were trying, of course, to make the world a better place, fighting for the future they believed in, but the past was the past, and D refused to die for the crimes he had committed then. He had fought to survive for long enough that he wasn’t giving up now, regardless of what fate would be just for them. The best they could and would do now was fight for the future, not die for the past. 

It wasn’t easy for him either, watching young killjoys fight and be injured and even die, but he had to believe in what they were fighting and dying for. They would break the stranglehold of Better Living Industries, they would live free and bring the same for their children and all the generations that would come after them. All this wasn’t for nothing.

That was what D told themself as they watched Cherri curl into a ball in the corner of the room, protecting the slash on his side like a wounded animal. That was what they repeated when Lily’s sobs shook the mattress at night, keeping the others awake even if they didn’t dare break the silence of the room. D just prayed the others’ spirits wouldn’t end up as broken as their bodies after claps.

This pattern continued, day after day and week after week as their missions got more dangerous and Cherri grew even more reckless and solitary. It wouldn’t be truly broken until far after the final few members of their crew arrived, but the one who arrived next did by far the most towards that end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skip from "D was watching the lesson" to "Meanwhile, D and Lily" (Cherri trains with Autumn Assassin, D watches) and the paragraphs beginning with "He had gained a reputation" and "That was what D told themself" (talking about how cherri prefers to fight solo, and talking about how D is trying to convince themself of what the paragraph before it says, respectively).
> 
> ...So, who could this mysterious new crewmate be? If you guess it, I might send you a snippet from chapter 5 (/j but if you want one I'm down for that).
> 
> As always, please send me your thoughts here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy!


	5. We lit the fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mysterious new crew member arrives, swears a lot, and befriends Cherri Cola.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys and welcome to another cool fucking chapter by yours truly /j. In all seriousness I am SO excited for this one because hell yeah newsie! Anyways the last chapter title was from S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W, kudos to teeth for guessing that one!
> 
> POV: NewsAGoGo
> 
> Warnings: violence, death mentions, brief mention of blood. (Go to the end notes for what to skip.)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> NewsAGoGo - she/they  
> Autumn Assassin - they/them

NewsAGoGo was hot. And tired. Who would have guessed that the desert was this fucking hot? Well, probably everyone, but it was even hotter than you would reasonably expect from a desert. It was all well and good to say that the desert could reach a hundred degrees or more, something entirely different to actually experience it. It was fucking broiling. NewsAGoGo was cooking in her skin, even in the white clothes she had taken from Battery City. Why in the name of fuck had she decided to do this again? Oh, right, because the other option was to be taken away and trained as an exterminator. Which, if Newsie was going to end up in this goddamn war, they were sure as hell not fighting for the corporation which seemed out to ruin everyone’s fucking lives.

So Newsie was tromping into the desert, tired and hot and did they mention tired? Their feet hurt from walking, and they were starting to think hitchhiking would have been a better idea. The Juvie hall rebels within the city had gotten them out, sure, but actually getting to other killjoys was a whole different story, and so far it was more of a horror story than a fairy tale. 

It was about to be even more of a horror story, as Newsie discovered when a car of draculoids started bearing down on her.

“Fuck. Fucking fuck!” Newsie looked around quickly and spotted a handily placed tumbleweed not too far off the road. It probably wouldn’t hide her for long, but it was also sheltered by dunes, and it was by far her best bet. Maybe they could even take out some of the dracs from behind there. So Newsie hurried behind it, waiting for the car to pass by.

It appeared the car wasn’t actually here for them, as it passed by without incident, slowing slightly as it went by. Curious, Newsie hurried over to find that there was a supply truck stopped in the center of the road not a hundred feet off from where she had been, and a killjoy in a distinctive pink mask was standing by it, seemingly unafraid of the car bearing down on them. 

Newsie almost shouted a warning before realizing that was one of the most damn stupid ideas they had ever had. It didn’t seem like the killjoy needed one either, as they let the car bear down on them until the last possible second, throwing themselves aside as the car sped past. It took a few minutes for the draculoid driving to be able to turn around, and by then, the killjoy had a ray gun out and pointed at the car. Newsie watched as they shot the draculoid driving, seemingly perfectly unafraid. The car screeched to a halt as another few shots hit the engine of the car, the other dracs hurrying to stop it and get out. 

Now that they were outside the shelter of the car, the killjoy’s true skill was revealed. It hardly seemed like a fair fight at first, four dracs on one killjoy, but Newsie realized it was more than fair- it was unfair to the dracs. Two of them were dead within a second, and the third almost cowered in terror as they tried to duel with the killjoy. But whoever the joy was, they had forgotten to account for the fourth drac. 

Newsie could hardly believe they were doing this, but they raised the ray gun a few juvie halls had given them and took aim, steadying their hand with their other one as they pulled the trigger.

Her shot didn’t kill the drac outright, but it hit the drac in the arm and made them scream. That was enough to alert the killjoy, who had just finished disarming and knocking out the third drac, and they turned and shot the forth point-blank. Newsie breathed a silent sigh of relief, although she didn’t exactly know why.

Meanwhile, the pink-masked killjoy was looking around. “Whoever fired the first shot on this, I’m not going to hurt you. In fact, you just saved my ass, so thank you!”

Newsie hurried down the slope, hoping this guy could bring them back to some form of civilization or at least somewhere with shade. They were sweltering. “Hey!”

“Hey there!” The killjoy nodded to her. “Thanks for having my back there, I was careless to let that fourth one slip by me.”

“Uh, no problem.”

“I’m Cherri Cola, he/him. Do you have a Zone name yet?”

Newsie thought about it for a second and gave him the name she had considered and debated many times over on the endless walk here. “NewsAGoGo. She/her, uh, and they/them.”

“Nice to meet you. You’re an undergrad, yeah?”

“I would literally be a freshman in high school.”

Cherri Cola stared at them for a second and then cracked up. “Sorry, Zone slang. You’re fresh out of Batt City is what I mean.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fresh out of Battery City, what’s it to you?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“I was wondering if you needed a place to stay, I didn’t have one when I got out here either.” 

That was...kinder than they expected. They still didn’t trust this strange killjoy with fire in his eyes, but he was their best option for getting somewhere other than the side of a road in Zone whatever. “Yeah, I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Well then I’ll bring you back to Autumn. They’ll take anyone.”

Newsie tried not to be insulted by that as Cherri Cola led her back to his motorcycle. “Fancy ride.”

“D helped me fix it up,” he said, as if she knew who ‘D’ was. “The sidecar’s all full, I hope you don’t mind riding on the back.”

They did mind a little, but it was better than being crammed in a sidecar even if the sidecar hadn’t been full. So they shook their head. “I don’t mind.”

“Great!” Cherri Cola climbed on and gestured her after. “Let’s go before the crows get here.”

Newsie hopped on the motorcycle reluctantly, cautiously hanging on to him. “You better not turn out to be a murderer or something.”

“Oh, I am.” Cherri’s voice was surprisingly calm. “But only of dracs and crows, not miscellaneous teenagers who saved my life.”

“Like you’re not a teenager.”

“I’m almost eighteen!”

“Old person,” Newsie snorted.

“And how old are you, then?”

“Fourteen.” 

“Not the youngest ‘joy I’ve known.”

Cherri was a frankly terrible driver, by any sane person’s standard. He went far too fast and took curves at frankly irresponsible speeds, forcing Newsie to hang on tightly. The only good thing that could be said was that he did keep his eyes focused on the road, driving with a fierce intensity, like he was running from something she couldn’t see. So yes, by any sane judgement, Cherri Cola was a fucking terrible driver. 

Newsie rather enjoyed his driving. Sure, they had to wrap their arms around his waist so they didn’t fall off the fucking bike, but the speed was exciting. Freeing. Of all the times Newsie had talked to random strangers over the course of her life, this had to be one of the best outcomes.

And so down the desert roads they went, kicking up dust behind them as Cherri Cola took them back to what appeared to be a small settlement. It had the look of a pre-Helium Wars era town, but as they got closer, Newsie could see that all the buildings were in varying states of destruction, and graffiti was everywhere. Color was the resounding theme of the area, and killjoys hollered back and forth to each other across the broken down streets. It was noisy and chaotic and eye-scorching, and Newsie loved it already. 

“Welcome to our town.” Cherri’s voice had a hint of pride in it as he honked the horn at a few killjoys in their way.

“It’s fucking loud.” It was fucking perfect.

“The noise comes with having a bunch of kids in a town.” He pulled to a stop in front of a tall house with ‘House of Soup’ spray painted over the door.

Newise snorted and Cherri shot her a glare. “Care to help me unload?”

“Fine.”

She helped him carry in several large boxes of varying things, batteries and power pup mainly, and got quite a few stares.

“Hey, Cher!” That was a killjoy with bleached white streaks through their hair, bearing a wide smile as they leaned in to hug Cherri. “Who’s this?”

“NewsAGoGo, she’s new to the desert. She/they.” Cherri turned to Newsie. “This is White Lily, she/her and leader of the current rebellion, as much as we have any one leader.” 

“Pleased to meet you.” White Lily’s smile seemed genuine, although her eyes blazed with a similar fire to Cherri’s. 

Newsie shook her offered hand carefully. “Nice to meet you.” 

“So you’re staying with us?” White Lily didn’t wait for a reply before turning back to Cherri. “Cher, you can take off your mask, you know.”

He sighed and pushed his pink mask up onto his forehead, revealing the dark circles under his eyes and the child-like softness of his face, a sharp contrast to his angular cheekbones.

“A literal child, that’s what you look like,” Newsie declared.

Cherri glared at her. “I know I look like I’m twelve, fuck off.” His face might have been young, but his eyes were old and frankly the only even vaguely intimidating thing about him. If Newsie hadn’t watched him face down a car full of dracs on his own, they would have thought he was nothing to be afraid of. 

“You look younger than me.” It wasn’t quite the truth, but it was entertaining to watch Cherri’s face at that.

“Alright, I’m off to talk to D,” White Lily declared. “You can talk to Autumn Assassin about finding a room for them.” Her words were casual, but the tone made it clear it was an order.

“I will, tell D he needs to come in pretty soon if he doesn’t want to miss dinner.” 

Newsie was starting to wonder if she was going to meet this mysterious D. “So...Autumn Assassin?”

“The person who runs this house. They should be out back.” Cherri led them through the house and out to the backyard area, where a short, red-haired killjoy appeared to be teaching a much taller one how to hold a ray gun. “Hey, Autumn!” 

“Oh, hey, Cola.” They didn’t turn, busy adjusting the other killjoy’s grip.

“Do we have a spare room?”

“Not right now, we’re at capacity with that new crew of joys.”

“Fuck.”

“Why?”

Cherri gestured at Newsie. 

“Oh, newbie.” Autumn Assassin looked Newsie up and down. “We’ve got an extra mattress, but not another room, do you think you and your crew can let them stay with you? Assuming you’re okay with that, kid.”

Cherri huffed a sigh. “D and Lil probably won’t mind. NewsAGoGo?”

“Guess I’ll stay with you.” They didn’t know what possessed them to do so, but after a second they add a small “Fucker.”

To their surprise, Cherri laughed. “You won’t be a bad roommate, I think.”

Newsie started her career as Cherri’s roommate by sticking to his side like a limpet, unwilling to leave the one person she actually knew. Cherri tolerated this with a surprising amount of grace, giving them a patient smile as he led them upstairs to put the spare mattress in the room they would now be sharing with Cherri, Lily, and whoever D was. He didn’t protest it, not even as they followed him outside. 

“Where are we going?”

“You need killjoy clothes.” 

Newsie frowned in annoyance that he just assumed they’d follow, but to be fair, they had followed him everywhere so far. “So where are we going?”

“Tommy Chow Mein’s.”

Cherri Cola took them to the store across the way, what looked to have once been a general store. Now it was still one, but a killjoy one, filled with everything from bubblegum to ray guns to miscellaneous bits of clothing, which were what Cherri headed for. “Here we go.”

“I have literally ten carbons.”

“Tommy knows me, I’ll get you a discount. Plus, D, Lil and I have some to spare.” 

Newsie stared at the floor. “You better not be helping me because I’m pitiful and just ran away from home because fucking Better Living was going to turn me into one of their fucking soldiers so I ran and ran and walked so fucking far in that heat and now I look like a fucking mess.”

She didn’t have to look up to know his face was sympathetic, she could feel it in his gaze. “I’m not helping you because your life has been shit or I feel bad for you, I’m helping you because it’s a decent thing to do. Plus, I’ve been there,” he added after a second. “I came out to the desert with no one to help me or a single fucking person who cared.” 

Newsie glanced up at that. “So now you just help random killjoys?”

Cherri shrugged. “Mostly I kill dracs. But sometimes, yeah.” 

She was still somewhat reluctant, but she picked out a shiny-looking peach jacket, ripped black jeans, an utterly hideous purple, green and gold shirt, and sturdy boots with purple laces. 

Cherri gave them a thumbs up of approval, grinning at the outfit. “You have style.”

“You don’t.” He was wearing a turquoise t-shirt, jeans that approximately resembled the ground in how dusty they were, and a black leather jacket which was clearly too small for him. 

Cherri flipped them off and dropped a couple of carbons on the counter along with the clothes Newsie had grabbed.

“Swindler,” Tommy Chow Mein snorted. “Are you trying to cheat me out of all these clothes?”

“Who got you out of that clap the other week? And besides, a swindler is someone who sells overpriced goods.”

Tommy gave him a small glare but took the money. “You’re impudent.”

“And you’re a capitalist, your point?” 

That earned them a sigh. “Say hi to D for me.” 

“Will do.” Cherri gave Newsie a glance that said ‘follow me’ and hurried out of the store. They followed him back across the street and over to Autumn Assassin’s house, heading inside to find the living room just as chaotic as before and the short killjoy from earlier stirring a pot of...something in the kitchen. 

"That'll be dinner," Cherri told her with a grin.

At dinner that night, Newsie finally got to meet the mysterious D, who turned out to be a rather tired looking killjoy in a deep brown leather jacket.

“D, this is NewsAGoGo, she/they. They’ll be staying with us because Autumn doesn’t have a spare room,” Cherri introduced. “NewsAGoGo- can I call you Newsie? Or is that not a good nickname- this is Dr. Death Defying, he/they. We all call him D.”

“You can call me Newsie, I guess. Fucker.” She shook D’s offered hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, NewsAGoGo.” His smile was tired but friendly. 

Newsie’s first night there was a little bit strange, trying to sleep in a strange room with three strangers asleep just across from her. Or, well, not asleep, in the case of the stranger who had brought her here. By virtue of not being able to sleep, they were the only one awake to see Cherri roll off the mattress with a muffled curse, climbing to his feet and rubbing his eyes as he wandered over to the window.

“Hey. Fucker,” Newsie hissed.

He turned, looking a little startled. “Yeah?”

“Whacha doing?”

“Can’t sleep. You?”

“Me too.” She climbed off her own mattress, coming over to join him by the window. “What do you do when that happens out here?”

“Look at the stars, mostly. There aren’t any stars in Battery City.”

“Smart.” Newsie looked out the window, staring up at what looked like hundreds, no, thousands of stars. “Holy shit.”

“There are a lot, yeah.”

“No shit.” It might have been the most beautiful thing they had ever seen, with the possible exception of the killjoy town by daytime. But that was beautiful in a different way, colors and noise and life that made you feel brave. The stars were beautiful in a quiet way that made you feel small and like everything was going to be okay. Newsie understood why Cherri liked to watch them at night. There was a strange sort of comfort in being reminded how truly tiny your place in the universe was.

They glanced over at him. “So…Cherri Cola, huh? You really like soda?”

“My sister did.”

Newsie didn’t know what to say to that. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Thankfully Cherri continued the conversation, keeping the silence from being crushing. “Why did you pick NewsAGoGo?”

“GoGo because I’m always going, I guess. News because of the old reporter droids who took care of me. So NewsAGoGo.”

“That makes sense.”

The silence that followed was a little awkward, but not crushingly so. Eventually, Newsie started yawning.

“You should sleep.”

“You should too, but I didn’t say anything,” Newsie shot back quietly.

“I’ll sleep if you will,” Cherri said dryly.

“Fine.” This time, she could actually fall asleep, Newsie found. The silence wasn’t so harsh, and it felt safer to sleep in a room with three others now that one wasn’t so much a stranger. 

Conversations like that became common as Newsie settled into living with the other three. Neither they nor Cherri could sleep through the night, most nights. So when their nightmares overlapped, the two of them would stand by the window and talk about the past and Battery City and all the things you didn’t discuss when the sun was shining bright overhead. 

Her bond with D and White Lily was nowhere near the same, even if it also tentatively grew stronger. D and Lily didn’t join them at night, even if it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to be awake either. Lily left the room, every time. Newsie suspected she didn’t want the others to hear her cry. D did…something. Newsie didn’t know. Maybe they just laid awake. Either way, it was only her and Cherri who stood by the window.

It was her and Cherri who tended to go out on missions, too. Cherri took her with him more often and more as the days went on. Newsie had continued her policy of sticking to him like a limpet, and he didn’t seem to mind that. So he took them on raids, bringing them to fight exterminators and on all sorts of dangerous things fourteen year olds were absolutely not supposed to do and Newsie rather enjoyed. 

He also brought her to Autumn Assassin, who declared that it was absolutely their responsibility to teach Newsie how to shoot a ray gun properly, as well as a variety of other weapons and American Sign Language (useful for communicating silently in claps and with nonverbal or hard of hearing killjoys, Cherri explained). Newsie didn’t exactly object to that, although they did wish a little someone else could teach them. Autumn Assassin was a bit harsh, not exactly sharp but definitely straightforward. Cherri promised it would be okay, though, and Newsie trusted him more than the rest, at least. 

Cherri was almost always there when they were doing lessons as well, taking his own shots at the target. Whether that was for his sake or Newsie’s was debatable, but they didn’t mind his presence. Autumn Assassin corrected him almost as much, and they also made him practice a variety of other weapons. Cherri turned out to be terrifyingly good at shooting, but not bad with the rest either. And Newsie wasn’t as good a shot- almost no one was, except maybe Autumn Assassin- but they enjoyed the other forms of combat

“Thank you,” D told her one day. He was standing next to Newsie and watching Cherri spar with Autumn Assassin, circling each other and fighting like their lives depended on it- they very well might, some day.

“For what?” 

D gestured vaguely around. “Being here.”

They eyed the other somewhat suspiciously. “I haven’t done shit for you.”

“You have for Cherri.” D glanced over at where Autumn Assassin was tackling Cherri into the dust. “He really likes talking to you, and he’s a lot less resistant to taking you on missions than others.” 

“Oh.”

“I’d rather he let me come along,” they continued, “but being willing to take you is a step in the right direction. No offense to you, but you’re inexperienced, and I would feel safer if he would let me help him.”

“He’s a stubborn bastard.”

“Yes, he is.”

“Fuck! Good one!” Autumn Assassin’s nose was bleeding as they and Cherri tromped over, both grinning.

“Got them,” Cherri said proudly. “D, you want to get your ass kicked by Autumn?”

“I’ll kick their ass,” D threatened, but he was smiling too. 

“Try me, bitch boy,” Autumn Assassin deadpanned.

“I will and you know I will.”

“Shooting competition?”

“Don’t pick something you know you can beat me at, coward.” 

“Then draw swords,” Autumn challenged.

Cherri laughed and came to stand next to Newsie as they watched the two older killjoys fight. “Those two have some sort of rivalry going on, I think.”  
“A friendly one or a ‘they want to stab each other’ one like you and Tommy Chow Mein?”

“Tommy doesn’t want to stab me, I’m his best customer,” Cherri said indigently. “And a friendly one, they’re friends but also enjoy fighting. Although that’s nothing compared to some others, you should see Lily and Autumn really get going, though.”

“Really? Do they hate each other?” Newsie hadn’t seen much of their dynamic, but it seemed more friendly than anything.

“Oh, no, they’re great friends, but they do enjoy trying to beat the shit out of each other.”

They nodded. She was still learning about the dynamics of the household, between the chaotic crews that called themselves the Brit Boys and the Tumbleweed Chasers and Autumn Assassin, between Autumn Assassin and each member of Cherri’s crew, which thus far had no name. Autumn Assassin was head of the household in a fairly clear way, but beyond that, the relationships were hard to pin down.

The dynamics between Cherri’s crew she thought she had down a little bit better. Cherri was very much the baby of the crew- at least he had been until she arrived- and D and Lily had a shared sort of solidarity of having fought in the wars. Both were ridiculously protective of Cherri, and Cherri was protective of them in turn. How intensely he fought was for many reasons, Newsie thought, but protecting his friends had to rank high on there. They hadn’t gone on many missions with more than one of the crew, but the one they had, they had watched Cherri jump between D and a scarecrow despite the older ‘joy’s protests.

So Cherri became more and more of her best friend, and D and Lily almost equally close. They learned things like that Cherri’s favorite color was pink and D liked old music and listened to Metallica and Lily had been a comic book nerd as a kid. And in return, they told their own stories, if quietly and for few ears. How they liked technology (D was very happy with that one, immediately asking if they would help with the radio station) and didn’t have the patience for chess but had learned how to play checkers better than anyone they knew.

While it might have been easy for other people to see only the personas the three (and now four) of them put on, Dr. Death Defying as the confident radio announcer and White Lily the inspiring rebellion leader, while Cherri Cola was a brave sharpshooter, Newsie was never not able to look past that. She hadn’t met Cherri as Cherri Cola, best sharpshooter of the killjoy’s forces, who would later go head to head with exterminators, she had met him as a dorky seventeen year old who drove too fast. Lily had never been White Lily, invincible leader of a rebellion doomed to fail, she had always been Cherri’s friendly roommate, while D had been that tired guy in a brown jacket. Utterly and completely human.

Although Newsie was nowhere as famous as those three yet, they had started to attract notice of their own. NewsAGoGo, radio assistant, that kid who rode with the Trio. Fighting shit with Cherri didn’t help that impression. Because as it turned out, there were consequences for being friends with the three most influential figures of a rebellion, and those consequences included a reputation and dracs constantly trying to get you ghosted. Newsie was getting very good at fighting them off and brushing off the occasional stare or whispered comment. Maybe it wasn’t right that she had to learn, maybe it wasn’t just that a fourteen-year-old had been put in this situation, but this was war. And Newsie learned quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For violence, skip from "Newsie almost shouted a warning" to "Meanwhile, the pink-masked killjoy". (Cherri fights a car of dracs, Newsie helps.)
> 
> For blood, skip the sentence beginning with “Fuck! Good one!”. (Autumn Assassin is very mildly injured from a practice fight.)
> 
> (Death mentions are scattered throughout.)
> 
> Anyways, thoughts? Questions? Song guesses? Send them to me here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy!


	6. I'm old enough to die for your mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cherri is a dumbass, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket. 
> 
> These things are surprisingly unrelated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fuckers and welcome to the chapter that I've been waiting five weeks to unleash on you guys! I'm extremely gleeful about this, as it's one of the more...stabby chapters. Get fucked /j. Anyways, last week's title was from Burn Bright, by My Chemical Romance, and I hope you guys can guess this one!
> 
> POV: Cherri Cola
> 
> Warnings: Violence, injury, hospitals, unsafe binding, death mentions, very very minor character death, suicidal ideation but not from the POV character. (Go to the end notes to figure out what to skip.)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> NewsAGoGo - she/they  
> Prince of Wales "Princey" - he/him  
> Autumn Assassin - they/them  
> Senior Medic Dowdy - they/them

The war-that-wasn’t-a-war dragged on and on. By the definitions of history books that would come after, the Analog Wars hadn’t even started yet, but it certainly felt like a war for the four of them. There might have been some happiness in a desert rebellion, some laughter and light and hope, but much of it was a dreadful slog. Trying to keep the sand from getting into every little space, always worrying about where their next meal of power pup was coming from, moving the WKIL van around the Zones so that they wouldn’t get caught, fighting endless dracs. There was almost nothing ‘easy’ about desert life.

Thankfully for the killjoys, a group was going to come along to make it easier.

“Senior Medic Dowdy, they/them, and this is some of the hospital crew,” The business-like neutral was telling White Lily. Cherri and D were flanking her as always, and Newsie was on Cherri’s right as the healer introduced themself. 

“Pleased to meet you,” Lily said politely. 

“We came to tell you about the hospital we’ve got set up in Zone Three,” Dowdy continued. They were tall and dour, dark brown hair braided away neatly. “We’re out in that little abandoned area near a couple houses, and we treat any injured person who comes to us.”

“We’ll have to bring this dumbass there every other week,” Newise snorted, nudging Cherri.

He tried to glare, but he had a feeling he wasn’t very intimidating. “As if you don’t get hurt almost as much.”

“Which one of us stepped in front of a scarecrow intentionally?”

“I was trying to help D!”

Lily sighed. “Cher, News, chill. I have a feeling we’ll be hauling both of you in pretty often, but getting hurt does come with being a major part of a rebellion.”

Dowdy’s face was as unreadable as before, but Cherri thought he caught a hint of a smile in their voice. “Well, we’re here for bringing your injured friends in. We don’t charge, but if you can bring hospital supplies or carbons we always need donations.”

“You are a lifesaver in a literal sense, thank you, Senior Medic Dowdy.”

Their face cracked into a small smile. “Just call me Dowdy.” 

“Well then thank you, Dowdy,” D put in. 

“It _is_ my job.” Their smile was wry, but they did seem genuinely pleased. “And my team’s job. Max, Pete- he/him for both- and Senior Medics Cassandra, she/her, and Star, he/him,” they introduced.

Max was a sandy blonde medic with a bright smile, standing next to Pete, who was small and skinny and couldn’t have been older than twelve. Cassandra was even shorter than Pete, but clearly older, probably close to Lily or Autumn’s age. And Star was taller than everyone else and rather muscled, but he had a soft, sweet, smile. All of them wore varying shades of grey, except Pete, who was dressed in brown. Dowdy, Cassandra, and Star each had a dark green ribbon pinned to their shirt, and Max had blue, which seemed to signify that those three were the most senior. Dowdy seemed to hold the highest seniority, though, given how all of the others glanced at them for guidance and even the brightly-smiling Cassandra let them do the talking.

“This isn’t all the medics, of course, but Cassie- I mean Cassandra- Star and I are most senior and Max is a highly trusted healer.”

“They mean I’m their trainee,” Max grinned. “Or, was, at least. We’ve got a whole mentorship program going. Helps when we’ve got education levels ranging from ‘about half a bachelors in biology’ to ‘didn’t graduate middle school’.”

“And experience levels from ‘Helium Wars medic’ to ‘never sewed a wound’,” Cassie added, still smiling brightly. “I’m ‘about half a bachelors in biology’, and Dowdy over here is ‘Helium Wars medic’.”

“And I get to be both ‘didn’t graduate middle school’ and ‘never sewed a wound’,” Pete put in. “So we’re all over the place!”

Dowdy frowned. “Speaking of which, at least one of the seniors should get back to the hospital.”

“Shoot, yeah, let’s go,” Cassie nodded.

Cherri waved goodbye to them as Lily smiled. “Thank you, all of you! We’ll be by with injuries, I’m sure!”

* * *

They were, but not for a while yet. It had been a couple of months, and relatively peaceful ones at that. But of course, peace never lasted long. Not with Cherri and Newsie around, as Autumn would say with a shake of their head.

It had started as an ordinary run, Cherri and Newsie heading out to Zone Five to help out a crew that had gotten themselves into a bit of trouble. The radio transmission had said there were only two scarecrows, a handful of dracs with them. That was nothing to joke around with, but it wasn’t the worst that Cherri or Newsie had faced by far.

However, when they pulled up, they could see that they had been lied to- there were two exterminators.

“You take one, I take the other?” It was a question, Newsie’s voice getting higher at the end. 

Cherri glanced back at them. “Don’t get hurt.”

“I won’t if you won’t, fucker.” 

They had gone on enough runs together to make it so that was all they needed to say before Cherri drove the motorcycle towards the Better Living forces, taking a hand off the handlebars to draw his ray gun as he went.

Later, if you asked him to recount it, he wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly what went wrong, only that one second he was perfectly fine, firing off shots as he and Newsie rode for the exterminators, and the next, everything hurt. Cherri had been shot before, but on the ribcage only a little below the heart was a vulnerable spot, and he was incredibly lucky the leather jacket absorbed a fair bit of the blow. He was lucky, too, that in the haze of pain and blood and everything going wrong, the motorcycle didn’t crash right away and Newsie had time to reach around and grab the handlebars as a second shot connected with his leg. The next few minutes were a blur, pain pain pain and fear fear fear as his sibling- where the fuck did _that_ thought come from- reached around to take control, the motorcycle swerving wildly.

* * *

The next thing Cherri remembered was waking up in an unfamiliar room, the white(-ish) walls sending a surge of panic through him. Newsie. Where was Newsie?

“Newsie?” He tried to sit up, pain surging through his ribs. “Newsie!

Footsteps sounded outside the door, which promptly swung open to reveal what was thankfully a familiar face. “Calm down,” Senior Medic Dowdy told him firmly, moving over to the side of his bed. “Your friend is safe, she’s in the room next door.”

“Can I see her?”

Dowdy stared him down. “Look me in the eyes and tell me if you think I’m letting you get up anytime soon.”

Cherri slumped. “Please, just let me see if they’re okay?”

“I promise, your friend will be alright.” Their face softened slightly. “If you let me change your bandages, I’ll let your other friends come in and confirm that she’s okay, how about that?”

“Okay.” He reluctantly let Dowdy closer, flinching as they reached for his leg.

Dowdy pulled back. “I’m going to touch you, okay? Just for a moment so I can untie these and put on new ones.”

This time, Cherri let them gently change out the coverings, balling his hands in the (old, stained) sheets. Dowdy narrated what they were doing the whole time, pausing before they reached for his other injury. “I’m going to lift your shirt, okay? Just enough to get at where you were shot.”

Cherri nodded, trying not to look as they did just as they said. He didn’t have to in order to know what they were doing, as Dowdy kept narrating. “And now I’m untying these, and now I’m unwrapping them.” They pulled the old ones free. “And now I’m examining the wound before I put new bandages over. Now I’m reaching for the new bandages, and now I’m wrapping them.”

He hardly dared to breathe as they did, tying off the new ones before pulling their hands back. “Done.”

“Thanks,” Cherri mumbled.

“It’s my job,” they deadpanned. Dowdy reminded him _distinctly_ of Autumn Assassin. “Now I’m going to get your friend, whichever one isn’t with NewsAGoGo.”

He nodded as they left the room, returning a few agonizingly long minutes later with Lily.

“Cher!” Her face was surprisingly worried as she rushed on over. “Cher, we thought you’d gotten yourself ghosted!”

“Not ghosted, just shot,” Cherri mumbled. “Twice.”

“Well, that is a step up. A small one, mind you.” The wry humor in her voice matched D’s when they were trying not to act emotional. 

“Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to be sorry for, we were just worried is all.”

Cherri didn’t know what to say to that. “Is Newsie okay?”

“They’re alright, in better shape than you, actually. She only got hit once, but you both needed medical attention. Scared the shit out of me and D when Newsie came staggering in half-dragging you.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!” Lily didn’t go on until he looked up at her. “Cher, we care about you so much, we were scared. Not mad. Never mad.”

He didn’t know where Dowdy had gone, but some distant corner of his mind was glad they weren’t there to see him sniffle. “Really?”

“Really.”

“You really care so much?”

“Always. We always care, D will back me up on this.”

Cherri’s eyes were stinging. “I’m sorry I scared you guys.”

“It’s okay,” Lily said softly. She hesitated. “I’d hug you, but I’m not sure if that would put you in more pain.”

“It won’t.” That was a lie, but he needed the hug more than he needed the wound on his chest not to hurt. It was a lie he didn’t regret telling, though, as Lily’s hug was gentle and comforting. She didn’t pull away until Dowdy returned again to firmly shoo her out with a promise of “You can visit again later.”

* * *

It took a week for him to be able to leave, a few days less for Newsie, but they all went home together.

Dowdy tapped him on the shoulder while they were leaving. “Excuse me, can I talk to you a moment? I need to tell you a few things about injuries.”

Cherri glanced at the others before following them into a deserted hallway of the hospital. “So what about my injuries?”

“Change bandages whenever possible, clean with lightly wetted cloth if it gets dirty or once every three days, come back in two weeks for a check,” they said instantly. “But I already told you all that, yes?”

He nodded.

“Right. That wasn’t why I pulled you aside.”

“What is?”

Dowdy turned to look him straight in the eye, giving him a very serious stare. “Stop fucking binding with tape. I _know_ it’s tempting, I _know_ dysphoria is a bitch, but you will fuck up your ribs and chest that way. Stop.” Their hand had gone to their ribs, seemingly unconsciously. “I don’t exactly have the best history with that myself, but I’m trying to warn you. And trust me, I’m a medic. I know what I’m talking about. So whatever you have to do, stop. Bandages are no better, if you need to bind then make your crew get you a binder. I know some ‘joys sell them. Just stop fucking up your ribcage.”

“Wait, you- sorry, that fucks up my ribcage?”

“Didn’t anyone tell you-“ Dowdy cut themself off. “Of course they didn’t. Dr. Death Defying and White Lily don’t know, neither of them are transmasc as far as I know, and who else would have? But us older trans people have to look out for younger trans people.”

“Transmasc?” Cherri gave them a curious look.

“Basically, you and me. Assigned female at birth but not a girl. It can include a wide variety of people- I’m transmasc and nonbinary, and I’m assuming you’re a trans guy, from what you and your friends have said?”

“Yeah. Yeah that’s me.” Dowdy didn’t talk fast, per se, but it was still a lot of information in a short time and Cherri’s head was spinning. “So…”

“So get yourself a binder and do what you need to be safe. Don’t bind during strenuous physical exercise and don’t wear it if you’re going to be in water- not that that’s a big issue out here, usually.” Their smile was wry. “And for Witch’s sake, be careful.”

Cherri nodded. “I will be.” He hesitated. “Thanks, Senior Medic Dowdy.”

“Of course, don’t be afraid to find me if you have questions or need help. And just call me Dowdy, I have enough medics treating me like someone to be overly respectful of. Just because I have medical experience- I’m fucking twenty-four, for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m nineteen and apparently one of the best sharpshooters,” Cherri deadpanned. “It’s war.”

“It’s war.”

They led him back out to the rest, sending them off with a “Don’t strain yourselves, take care of your injuries, and take care of your friends!”

“We will,” D promised.

* * *

It took Cherri several days to actually decide to ask for help. Even if his crew was basically his family, it wasn’t instinctive for him to ask them for things, usually trying to deal with everything on his own.

“Hey, D?”

“Uh-huh?” D was getting WKIL’s daily broadcast ready, but he looked up at Cherri’s approach.

Cherri found their gaze a little unnerving. “Do you know any ‘joys who sell binders? I asked Tommy Chow Mein, but he said he was out.”

D looked confused for a few seconds before their face snapped into understanding. “Oh! Yeah, there’s one called Slinky Snake out in Zone Three who has all sorts of supplies for trans folk. Sorry about the confusion, I thought you were talking about school binders for a moment there.”

Cherri cracked up at that, giggling from a mixture of sheer relief and actual amusement, and after a second, D joined him. 

“It’s too early in the morning for functional brains,” they snorted. “And I know I sound like Lily, but I was up late working on the station last night.”

“Should have got me to do it, I stay up later than you anyways.”

“I figured you needed to sleep, plus, you’re injured. Do you want me to take you out to where Slinky is, or just directions?”

“Let’s go together?”

“Sure thing. Let me make the morning broadcast and we’ll head out?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Cherri leaned against the desk as D’s low, steady voice rang out over the airwaves, bringing news of crews getting in firefights, sales at Tommy Chow Mein’s, drac clouds, and everything in between. 

Once they had finished with their final encouragement of ‘killjoys, make some noise!’, they turned back to Cherri. “Right! On to Zone Three.”

“On to Zone Three.”

“You know,” D said as they drove, “I thought you had already worked something out, to be honest.”

“You…knew?” It wasn’t as if he had tried to hide, exactly, but he had never said anything about it.

“You aren’t subtle, Cherri. Not to other trans people like me and Newsie, at least. Or Lily, even if she’s the token cis.”

Cherri snorted quietly. “Guess not. I had worked something out, but apparently I was fucking up my ribs- Dowdy set me straight on that.”

“No force on this planet could make you straight,” D said dryly.

“Or you. My point being, they told me to get a binder before I fucked anything up permanently.”

“Well then I’m glad they did.” 

D’s smile was gentle, and Cherri turned away after a second, staring out the window instead. “Yeah.”

Thankfully, the other let the silence fall until “Here we are, this is the market ey sets up shop in.”

Cherri let D lead him through the crowd to the rainbow-haired killjoy who insisted on taking some measurements before ey rummaged around through eir bin. “Any preferences on color? We’ve got a medium tan, black, soft pink, and this god-awful leopard print in your size. Also the anime one, but we don’t talk about the anime one.”

 _Fuck it_. “Pink.”

“Hell yeah, dude.” Eir grin was wide as ey passed it over to them. “Ten carbons, please.”

D glared at Cherri until he relented and let them put the carbons down. “I can pay, you know.”

“And I also know that you’re trying to save to get Newsie her own bike.”

“Newsie?” Slinky Snake was counting the carbons up quickly.

“My sibl- friend.”

“Aw! Sweet,” ey grinned. “Here you go, be safe with that!”

“I will be,” Cherri assured em. 

It was another quiet car ride back, Cherri grinning softly to himself as D took the van through the desert. They hopped out back at the town with just as much silence, only the usual noise of the killjoy settlement surrounding them.

Cherri surprised even himself by giving D a tight hug before they went inside, throwing his arms around them with a quiet “Thank you.”

“Of course.” They didn’t say ‘I love you’; they didn’t need to. Cherri understood.

* * *

Cherri never did get to get that motorcycle for Newsie, at least not for a while.

“We’ll be back in a month, no more, but D and I have to get the station back on the road,” Lily was telling them. “We really can’t afford Better Living tracking us now, and I need to get on the road and rallying some more ‘joys up again too.”

Cherri nodded as Newsie gave a joking frown. “Well who’s going to be responsible around here now? It sure as hell won’t be Cherri.”

“Fuck you,” Cherri muttered.

Lily’s voice was deadpan. “Autumn Assassin. And no murdering each other while we’re gone, okay?”

“And be careful about your injuries,” D added.

“Okay, mom friend,” Newsie retorted, making Cherri laugh.

“We will be, D. Don’t worry about us.”

“I’ll try,” they muttered. “You’re worrisome, though.”

That only earned him more snorts from the younger killjoys, but D and Lily left anyways that day.

* * *

It was two weeks of missing the others later when it all went to shit. It wasn’t as if their crew was always together, but being split up for a long time was still never fun. Cherri’s frustration at not being able to fight at full capacity only compounded his bad mood, and Newsie didn’t seem to be having a very good time of it either. Besides the general worry of ‘what if something happens to them’ there was also the sheer loneliness of a room that usually held four people only having two, the extra room in no way worth missing their friends. 

But that wasn’t a worry for long. 

Cherri was at Tommy Chow Mein’s that day when the shout rang out, someone screaming from the edge of town and a cry of ‘Better Living!’ echoing. He didn’t bother to pay, instead dropping the canned goods on the counter indiscriminately and sprinting outside to see absolute chaos. Killjoys were running back and forth, trying to grab their friends and possessions as draculoids and scarecrows ran wild through the town, combated by the few killjoys who still had their wits about them. Every few seconds there was another scream, another cry of a crew member’s name or shout of pain.  
Cherri ignored the faint ache in his chest as he raised his ray gun, heading straight for the exterminators at the head of the charge. There was only one way they would fucking survive this, he knew. This time, his hands didn’t shake as he raised the gun, Autumn Assassin’s training paying off.

One shot. Another. 

The first few shots connected without much trouble, incapacitating the first couple of bli employees who came after him, but the exterminators were harder. Quicker at dodging, quicker at shooting, forcing Cherri to leap out of the way of bolts of plasma as he ran for them. It wasn’t even an idea to not, death the furthest thing from his mind. His death, at least. The questions of _where is Newsie where is Autumn_ pressed down on him, but he couldn’t afford the distraction. Not as a stun shot connected with his shooting hand, forcing him to drop his ray gun.

“So, we meet again.”

“What are you, fucking Voldemort?” Cherri did his best to match the exterminator's sneer.

“What?”

“Fucking Voldemort, you heard me.”

Their eyes were frozen cold. “I am no book villain, Cherri Cola. Yes, I know your ‘name’, the killjoy identity you forged for yourself. You’ve become quite well-known.” 

“Then you should know I’m dangerous.”

“Bold of you to presume I would fear you.” They made to step towards him, but they were stopped by a small killjoy leaping at them.

“Get away from my _fucking_ brother!” Newsie’s scream rang through the air, and Cherri’s relief at seeing her was quickly overpowered by the fear of watching her _tackle a goddamn exterminator_. He fumbled for dropped his ray gun, but there was no way to be sure he wouldn’t hit Newsie if he tried to shoot at the exterminator.

Newsie screamed as the exterminator flipped them both and her wrist connected with the ground with a loud crack. Cherri scrambled to try and pull the exterminator off her as they drew a knife, slashing it across Newsie’s midriff. He got a grip on the knife after a few seconds, wrestling it out of their grasp and stabbing at any part of them he could reach, but the damage had been done. 

“Newsie! Newsie, I’m sorry,” Cherri whispered as he dropped down next to her. “I’m going to get you to the medics, okay? It’s going to be okay.”

“Kay.”

“I have to pick you up, okay?”

A nod.

Cherri gently lifted them off the ground, trying not to flinch at their groan of pain. Her wrist was clearly broken, bent at an awkward angle, and he tried not to jostle it as he looked around for anyone who might help. A small group of killjoys was assembled at one end of the town, and that was what Cherri headed for as Newsie gave another pained yelp. 

Autumn Assassin was the first to spot him, jogging over quickly. “Cherri! We need to get people out of the town; Better Living is going to burn this place to the ground.”

“I know, but- Newsie needs medical attention.”

“Princey!” 

The blond and currently rather bedraggled killjoy hurried over. “Yeah?”

“Take NewsAGoGo, heal her as best you can. If Cherri and I don’t come back after twenty minutes then get the fuck out of here.”

“As you wish.” The Prince of Wales held out his arms, and Cherri reluctantly placed Newsie in them. 

“Keep them safe. Newsie, I’ll be back in just a bit.”

“See you later, fucker.” The words were grit out, pained, and Newsie reached to squeeze his hand with quiet desperation. Cherri squeezed back tightly, a silent promise that this wouldn’t be their last goodbye, and hurried into the burning town.

He and Autumn Assassin ran, pushing killjoys towards the others and yelling to get out, get out whatever you have to do. There were still firefights going on, screams still ripping through the air alongside the crackle of flames and the zap of ray guns. Autumn split off to help a crew who was fighting off one of the scarecrows, and Cherri burst through the already open door of a house that was just starting to burn.

At first, it seemed like there was no use in that, looking at the three killjoys sprawled on the floor, but he spotted a fourth curled up in a corner, very clearly alive. Their head was buried in their knees, body shaking as Cherri approached.

“Hello?”

“Leave me alone!” Their head shot up, face streaked with tears as they glared.

“No. This building is on fire, you have to get out!”

“I’ll burn with it.” Their voice had lowered, their shoulders slumping in defeat as fresh tears trickled down their cheek.

“I’m not letting you die,” Cherri told them, crouching down to their level.

“My crew is dead, why shouldn’t I be?”

“To say fuck you to bli. Fuck you to the people who killed your crew. Fuck them all, they don’t get to take our spirit.” He prayed that would be enough as the killjoy stared at him.

“I can’t. Can’t go on.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“How?” It was a desperate plea.

“Get up,” Cherri snapped. “Get. Up. This is war, and you are getting up and following me out of this fucking building before it falls on both of us.”

They stared at him for a moment longer and then took his outstretched hand. Cherri hauled them to their feet, pulling them along with him as they staggered out of the building. The flames had intensified, making much of the town no longer passable and forcing them to stumble out the only clear way, praying Autumn Assassin had made it out as well. Cherri managed to get them back to the group, able to spot Princey’s distinctive sandy blonde even from a distance.

“Cola! I’ve got your sis, she’s stable enough but we gotta get her to the hospital, but there’s no more room in this car!”

Cherri dragged the strange killjoy he had grabbed over to his motorcycle. “Put Newsie in the sidecar. Whatever your name is, you can ride behind me.”

Princey obeyed without question, as did the other. “Hot Chimp, my name is Hot Chimp.”

“Cherri Cola, I’d say it’s nice to meet you but currently nothing is very nice.” He sent the engine sparking to life, turning towards Princey again. “We need to go. Meet at the neutral hospital, Autumn will get themself out somehow.” 

“But-“

Cherri tried to channel Lily’s firmness. “Go. Now. Before we all fucking die. Tell the others.”

There was still fear in the other’s eyes, but he nodded and turned to run to the rest with a shout of “Leave now! To the neutral hospital!”

Meanwhile, Hot Chimp was silent, only the occasional faint sniffle sounding from the back of the motorcycle as he drove, and Newsie was passed out in the sidecar. Cherri drove for the hospital as fast as he could reasonably go, taking twisty routes to throw off anyone who might be pursuing them. And in all the chaos, Newsie’s very first shout of ‘my fucking brother’ was entirely forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violence - skip the section beginning with "It had started as an ordinary run," (Cherri and Newsie get in a clap and get injured) and basically everything from "Cherri was at Tommy Chow Mein’s that day" to the end (the town is attacked and
> 
> hospitals - skip the entire section beginning with "The next thing Cherri remembered was waking up in an unfamiliar room" (Cherri wakes up, Dowdy checks on him/does some medicine-y stuff, and Lily and Cherri have an emotional convo about Lily and D being worried about him.)
> 
> death mention/death: skip from "He nodded as they left the room" to “Why are you apologizing?" and from "At first, it seemed like there was no use in that" to "They stared at him for a moment longer and then took his outstretched hand" (Cherri comes across a killjoy in one of the burning buildings and persuades them to follow him and keep trying.)
> 
> suicidal ideation - skip from "At first, it seemed like there was no use in that" to "They stared at him for a moment longer and then took his outstretched hand" (Cherri comes across a killjoy in one of the burning buildings and persuades them to follow him and keep trying.)
> 
> unsafe binding: skip from “Right. That wasn’t why I pulled you aside.” to “We will,” D promised. (Dowdy tells Cherri he needs to bind safely.) and from '“You know,” D said as they drove,' to 'D’s smile was gentle, and Cherri turned away after a second' (Cherri asks D if they know anyone who sells binders, D drives him out to the market and talks to him about binding.)
> 
> As always, please let me know what you thought and make guesses about the song here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy!


	7. I'll sleep behind the wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and D arrive back at the town, and quickly find out some bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fuckers and welcome to the second chapter that I’ve been waiting five weeks to unleash on you guys! I’m very >:) about this one as well, plus it’s the second Lily POV chapter and we all know I love my oc. The last chapter title was from Gun by My Chemical Romance, which should give you some clues as to what this chapter’s title is from!
> 
> POV: White Lily
> 
> Warnings: hospitals, death, child death, injury and violence mentions, very brief suicide mention in the paragraph beginning wth "Helplessness was, unfortunately, not an unfamiliar feeling". (This chapter, no end notes for skipping- most of the triggering things can't be skipped without skipping most of the chapter. If you need to skip this one, you can pm me on discord for a summary of any important details @ Semper#6365.)

Lily and D returned home after two weeks to terrible news. It had been a long two weeks apart from the rest of their crew and their friends in the town, and they were eager to get back, but the relief at being home was instantly crushed at the sight before them. The town was mainly destroyed, flames still licking up some of the empty buildings, and there wasn’t a killjoy to be seen. 

D and Lily exchanged worried glances as the van pulled to a stop to near-silence, a vast difference from the usual hustle and bustle of the killjoy settlement. Only the crackle of flames accompanied the noise of the engine.

It might have been selfish of her to not think of any others, but Lily’s very first thought was of the people they had left here. Where were their friends? 

She went to call out, but D beat her to it, climbing out with a call of “Cherri? Newsie?” There was genuine fear in his voice as they looked around.

Cherri and Newsie were nowhere to be seen, and neither was another living soul. There were bodies aplenty, though, both killjoy and Better Living, and Lily’s heart clenched in fear. Would their friends be amongst the dead? She knew they would only know if they could find Cher and News, but some tiny, selfish part of her didn’t want to see her friends lying there, the life taken from their bodies far too soon just as the laughter had been taken from their lips by the wars of their childhoods.

It seemed safer to call out again, hoping that their friends would come to them not as bodies. “Cher? News?”

“Let’s look for them,” D said softly.

The rest of the town was just as empty, only the dead lying amongst the ruined buildings. They found Autumn Assassin’s house entirely destroyed, collapsed and burned, but to Lily’s great relief, the killjoy themself was there and unharmed, standing with their hands on their hips as they looked over the destruction.

“Autumn!” Lily called. “Autumn, what happened?”

Autumn turned, their face sagging in relief as they saw the other two. “Better Living attacked. The town was practically annihilated, but Cherri and I got the majority out, I think.”

“Cherri’s alive?” That was D, concern in his voice as he came to stand next to Lily. She reached back to take his hand, giving it a small squeeze.

“He’s fine, not even injured as far as I know. Last I saw of him, he was waiting at the hospital for the medics to bring any news.”

“And Newsie?”

“Hurt, pretty badly from what I saw, but she’s at the hospital and getting fixed up by the best.”

“Any word on the rest of the household?” Lily asked.

Autumn looked down, a rare hint of true sorrow on their face. “I don’t know. Princey is fine, we think, but Greenleaf got shot up and we don’t know if he’s going to make it. And some of the others are still missing. I thought I would come back to town and see if I could find any more survivors, since I’m not hurt.”

 _Unlike the rest_ , Lily thought. “Do you want some help with that?”

“Yes, please.”

So they joined Autumn Assassin on the tiring and mostly futile hunt, searching through ruin after ruin. It took all of her willpower not to simply break down and sob as they turned over bodies of killjoys as young as thirteen, the children of the town who had run back and forth with cheerful cries of ‘it’s a rest day’ or ‘come on, time to haggle tommy out of some new clothes!’. Almost every body they touched was dead, from smoke inhalation or ray gun shots or even stabbing. The few live killjoys they found were mainly dying or severely wounded. Lily, Autumn, and D lifted them into Autumn’s car or the radio van and prayed they would make it to the hospital alive.

Some of them didn’t.

The gruesome job of carrying the dead out behind the hospital and taking their masks, bad luck beads, or anything that might help their soul reach the Witch fell to Autumn Assassin, although voluntarily. “Go in, see your crew. I already saw mine, as many of them as possible, anyways. I’ll take care of things here.”

Lily tried to give them a grateful smile, although she had a feeling it ended up forced. “Thank you, Autumn.”

“Of course. Go on.”

They wandered into the lobby, looking around for their friends. Before they could find either Cherri or Newsie, a familiar, rather short neutral came hurrying up.

“Hey! Miss, sir?”

“Yes…Pete’s your name, yes?” Lily asked.

“Yeah, that’s me! Anyways, Miss White Lily, Mx. Death Defying, Dowdy told me to tell you NewsAGoGo’s ready for visitors, or, well, one visitor.”

Lily glanced at D, who nodded to her with a quiet “I’ll go.”

She knew he didn’t want to make her be the one to see Newsie hurt and too still in a hospital bed. With an internal sigh, she made a mental note to thank him after this was all over. “D can go.”

“Right! This way!” Pete zigzagged off, tugging D after him.

Lily looked around for their final crewmate, eventually spotting him over in a corner with a tall killjoy she vaguely recognized curled next to him. 

“Cher! Cher!” 

His head snapped up as she pushed her way through the crowded room. “Lil.” 

He sounded utterly exhausted, and Lily’s heart ached. “Cher, I-“

“I know,” Cherri said softly. “You couldn’t find me and Newsie.”

“D and I made it back to the town and you were gone and everything was in flames.” She tried and failed to swallow the lump in her throat. 

Cherri held out the arm that wasn’t already wrapped around the vaguely familiar killjoy in a silent offer of comfort. Lily took it, sliding into the seat next to him and leaning into the hug. She hardly even realized she was crying until Cherri pulled her closer, using his thumb to wipe a few tears off her cheek. Since when was he so much taller? It didn’t matter, really, not when their town was destroyed and so many killjoys who were barely more than children dead, not now that her friend was back beside her, safe and holding her tightly as if he also needed the comfort. Cherri smelled like ash and smoke, his clothes stained with blood and dirt and who knew what else, but he was alive.

Lily felt a pang of guilt for not being the one comforting him, the one who had actually lived through the awful event, but the tears wouldn’t stop once she let the first few out. He didn’t seem to mind, letting Lily lean on him until she could wipe her eyes and pull herself together.

“Cher, who’s this?”

“Hot Chimp, she/her. Lost her crew, I decided she better stick by me until she finds a new one. Chimp, this is White Lily, she/her.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hot Chimp said. Her voice was raspy and quiet, and she didn’t un-curl.

“Nice to meet you too,” Lily told her. “I’m sorry.” 

She was sorry, truly and genuinely sorry. Maybe the logical part of her brain said she couldn’t have stopped this from happening, but if she was there at least she could have done something.

“Not your fault,” Hot Chimp whispered.

“I’m still sorry.” It was her fault, really. At least, Lily thought so. “Cherri, are you okay to tell me what happened while I was gone?”

“Exterminators attacked after you had been gone two weeks, so, today. They lit the town on fire, everything was chaos. I ended up fighting one, and Newsie stepped in to save-“ he froze.

“Stepped in to save you?” Lily prompted gently.

“Stepped in to save me.” Cherri’s voice was quiet. “She yelled at an exterminator to ‘get away from her fucking brother’ and tackled them.”

“That sounds like Newsie.”

He nodded. “They got- they got hurt. I took the knife from the exterminator and used that to stab back, but Newsie was already hurt. So I had to take her back to the others, and Autumn and I tried to get as many people as possible out of the town before it completely burned down- that’s how I found Chimp- and then Chimp and Newsie came with me when we decided to get to the hospital. Everyone’s camped out in this lobby or their cars right now, I got them all to wait for you and D to get back but I didn’t think to radio, I’m sorry-“

Lily held a hand up. “Cher. I’m not mad, I was only scared. Remember our conversation when you got hurt?”

He nodded reluctantly. “I’m still sorry about that. It was chaotic when we got here, we had to get the most badly injured in first and Dowdy wasn’t even on call so the medics ended up going to get them- when shit hits the fan, Dowdy deals with it- and there wasn’t a lot of time to think. Besides trying to keep everyone from just giving up right away.”

The defeated tone of his voice tore at her heart. “I’m so, so sorry, Cher. I’m sorry you had to deal with this alone, I should have been there. I’m sorry D and I left when you and Newsie were both injured. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I fucked up, Cherri. Bad things aren’t okay just because you’re the one they happened to.”

Cherri didn’t meet her eyes. “Sorry.”

“There is nothing you need to apologize for. Nothing.” Lily made those words as firm as she could, hoping he would believe them.

“Sorry,” Cherri mumbled again.

“Cherri, no. Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything.”

Now he was the one crying, soft sobs shaking his form as Lily pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry, Lily, I’m sorry. I tried. I tried!”

“Shh, I know, I know. You tried so hard, you did amazing.”

“I couldn’t save them, there were so many I couldn’t save. They were kids, they were children, Lil.”

“I know,” Lily whispered. “It never gets easier. Pray it never does.”

Cherri’s words were broken up by sobs. “I- I- tried to help- help them but they’re d- dead and it’s m- my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Cher. It was never your fault. Better Living killed them, not you, and you did the best you possibly could.”

“B- but-“

“Trust me. Please. It is not your fault.”

He dissolved back into pure sobbing at that, and Lily was helpless to do anything but hold him tightly and make vague noises of comfort. Hot Chimp was watching silently, and the hospital was moving on around them, and one of White Lily’s best friends was falling apart in her arms.

Helplessness was, unfortunately, not an unfamiliar feeling for her, but it was always one of the worst. Even when she hit rock bottom in other ways, overcome by rage or grief, she could do something about it. Even if she was stripped of her mask, her ray gun, and left to fend for herself in the desert, she could pick a direction and start walking. She didn’t fear death, at least not her own- it was something she deserved, maybe, something she knew would catch up to her- but she did fear helplessness. She feared watching Cherri’s spirit break, or D’s, or Newsie’s, and being able to do nothing. She feared the young killjoys of the rebellion dying around her, realizing that their ‘leader’ couldn’t save them. She feared the people she loved fading away, being taken away, falling in battle or by their own hand and Lily being helpless to stop it. Her darkest hours had never been rage, or fear, or sorrow, but helplessness and despair, and this was one of them. Sitting in a shitty plastic chair in a hospital lobby with one of the people she loved the most falling apart and an entire town’s worth of injured killjoys to rally and aid. It wasn’t rock bottom, it wasn’t watching her friends die around her, but it was about as close as she could get without the death of one of her crew.

Cherri was shaking violently, and Lily felt tears spring to her own eyes as he buried his face in her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Cher.”

The only response she got was a quiet sob.

Where was D? Where was Lily’s knight in a fuck-ugly jacket? It wasn’t as if she always needed them to save her, but she could really use some Witch-cursed help right now. But of course, D was helping her in a different way, taking on the helplessness of watching one friend’s broken body as she held another’s broken spirit. Split the burden, that’s how it always had been with the two of them. One difficult task going to one, another to the second. It was how Cher and News worked too, she knew. So there would be no help from D, not right now, even in one of the moments she needed it most.

“Excuse me, Mx.?” 

Lily turned her head enough to see a medic with short-cropped brown hair standing there, a slight bit of nervousness in their face. “Are you White Lily?”

“Yes, that’s me.” She hoped her eyes weren’t too red.

The medic offered a smile and a nod. “Dowdy said to tell you that your friend Dr. D? I think that’s the name. Anyhow, they’re still with NewsA-“ The medic wrinkled up their face. “News- I know it started with News something-“

“Newsie? Or, NewsAGoGo.”

“NewsAGoGo! Thank you. He’s still with NewsAGoGo, not sure when he’s heading back out. But I also came to tell you, we’ve got some of the less senior medics and non-medics working on setting up tents, and we’ve got some water and extra food but we’re going to need more.”

Under the medic’s calm gaze, Lily was suddenly very aware that she looked an absolute mess. Her hair was tangled and ashy, and her eyes must have been red from crying by now. Not to mention that she was still holding Cherri, who was covered in blood and dirt and currently had his face pressed into her shoulder.

“I think we can make an emergency broadcast on WKIL, since we’ve got the van, and killjoys will come with supplies,” Lily started. “I can go talk to the killjoys, get them bundled into tents, and if we can find my friend Autumn Assassin, they’re also very effective at organizing people and supplies.” She tapped Cherri gently on the shoulder, already hating herself for this. “Cher, I need you to help me.”

He was still wiping his eyes as he pulled away, but his voice was steady. “Whatever you need, I’ll help.”

“Find Autumn Assassin, send them to me. Find someone to talk to D or figure out how to get there yourself and ask them to make a broadcast asking for food and supplies here at the hospital- medical supplies, tents, water, food of any kind, fresh clothes if they have any to spare.”

Cherri nodded firmly. The tear tracks on his face were made even more evident by the grime that covered him, but the determination was back in his eyes.

“And once you’ve done that, go get yourself a change of clothes and sit down,” Lily added. “You deserve a rest.”

He looked like he was ready to disagree, but nodded reluctantly. “You rest too.”

“I will.” Lily turned to the other young killjoy next to her, who she guessed was Newsie’s age. “Hot Chimp, can you come with me? I’m going to need some help.”

“Okay,” Chimp muttered.

“Great, thank you.” Lily tried to sound confident as the medic led her and Chimp through the crowd. 

Between the three of them, they had managed to wrangle a fair percentage of the killjoys into waiting outside instead of crowding the hospital by the time Cherri hurried up to them with Autumn Assassin in tow. 

“I hear we’re organizing shit?”

“We’ve got food and supplies that need organizing,” Lily agreed. “Cher, have you found D?”

“He already sent out the broadcast, he’s out with the WKIL van.”

She breathed a tiny sigh of relief. “Thank you, Cher. Get some rest, please. And if not, maybe you can join D in the van. I’m sure they would appreciate the company.” 

“Will do.”

Lily grinned to herself as Cherri hurried away. She could count on D to make him rest, she knew. “Okay, Autumn, I need you with…are there people who cook for the hospital?” 

“They do their stuff in the abandoned house next door,” the medic who Lily still hadn’t caught the name of said.

“Great, Autumn, can you please head over there and help them organize supplies to feed all these people? There’s going to be donations coming in too, I need those organized.”

“No problem, boss.” Their voice was dry, but they shot Lily a thumbs-up, which meant they knew what they were doing. She made a mental note to thank them after this, knowing that they had done difficult, dangerous, and frankly awful jobs today, all while some of their housemates were missing. 

“Oh, wait, Autumn?”

They turned. “Yeah?”

“Take Hot Chimp with you, please. She/her. Hot Chimp, this is-“

“I know Autumn.”

Lily would have been more offended at being cut off if she hadn’t been so tired and if Chimp hadn’t been having such an awful day already. “Great, stay safe.”

Autumn and Chimp hurried off, and it fell to Lily and the medic to get the rest of the killjoys organized. Most were going outside to rest in their cars or some of the tents, some, crewmates of the more majorly injured, were in the lobby still, and the injured killjoys were of course in varying hospital rooms. By the time that was done, the neutrals (and Autumn Assassin) had rustled up enough food for everyone, so they then had to make sure some got to everyone.

Finally, finally there were no more tasks to get done, and Lily flopped in one of the shitty plastic chairs again with a groan.

“You should get some rest, Mx. Lily,” the medic told her.

“I guess you’re right. No need to call me Ms. or Mx., by the way, I’m probably no older than you.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-five.” It felt strange to say, given how much older than that she felt.

“Oh. You’re younger than me, then, I’m twenty-six.”

Lily managed a small laugh. “See? I don’t think I caught your name, by the way.”

“I’m Maya. She/her.” She smiled softly. “I don’t get asked that a lot, you know. People are pretty rude.”

“Some ‘joys are dicks.”

“Some ‘joys are dicks,” Maya agreed. “Come on, let’s get you to your crew before you fall asleep in that shitty chair.”

“Shitty chairs are surprisingly comfy, though.”

That earned a small laugh from the other. “Uh-huh, up you go.”

Lily let Maya haul her to her feet, leading her out into the parking lot area (really, sand which was somewhat flatter than the rest of the desert). 

“Okay, I realize I don’t actually know where your crew is,” Maya said after a second.

“D and I parked the van this way.”

“Ah.” Maya went quiet for a moment, following her lead. “Not to be heteronormative, but is he your husband? You two act like it.”

Lily had to laugh. “No, I’m a lesbian. They’re aro. We’re just the mom friends.”

“That makes sense,” Maya laughed. “And lesbian solidarity!”

The van was in sight, and Lily was exhausted, but she paused to shake the other’s hand. “Thank you so much for all your help today, I really have no idea what I would have done without you.”

“Of course! I’m a medic, it’s my job. Plus, I always love meeting actually polite killjoys like yourself.”

“And my politeness is the nicest thing about me?” Lily kept her tone joking.

“Well, you _are_ also pretty. But polite stands out,” Maya grinned. “Sleep well, rebellion leader!”

Lily had no idea what possessed her to do it, but “Sleep well, pretty medic!”

Thank every deity out there (if there even were deities out there) Cherri and D were both fast asleep on the floor of the van when she walked in, sparing her any questioning. Instead, Lily curled up next to them, getting a sleepy arm put around her by D, and finally shut her eyes. It didn’t feel quite right without Newsie there beside them, but on the floor of a van with two other members of her crew was the closest Lily could get to home right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you want to give them all a hug *raises own hand*. Anyways if you liked this please tell me here or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy, as always. And also I deeply apologize.


	8. When they take from you almost everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot Chimp learns to live with her new reality, and makes friends with a new crew of idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fuckers! After those last two absolutely soul-rending chapters, are you ready for a slightly less painful break? I sure hope so! Plus, we get a new POV character! Also, the last chapter's title was from AMBULANCE, by mcr. Oh, and I am so sorry I missed updating last week. Life happened.
> 
> POV character: Hot Chimp
> 
> Warnings: death mentions, suicidal ideation (skip the paragraph beginning with "Chimp hadn’t intended to stick around".)
> 
> Pronouns:  
> White Lily - she/her  
> Dr. Death Defying - he/they  
> Cherri Cola - he/him  
> NewsAGoGo - she/they  
> Hot Chimp - she/her  
> Autumn Assassin - they/them  
> Maya - she/her  
> Cassandra - she/her  
> Max - he/him

Autumn Assassin let Hot Chimp stick around the rest of that day and into tomorrow, keeping her busy with random little tasks. Chimp was grateful, in a way, for the distraction, something to think about other than the omnipresent grief that hung around her. As long as she kept moving, that monster wouldn’t catch her. So she took every job they gave her, stuck by their side when there was nothing else that could distract her.

Eventually, that too had to come to an end.

“I’m going back to the town. Seeing if I can find anything, picking up masks,” Autumn said that afternoon.

“When do we leave?” Chimp signed. She didn’t know if she could bear to go back, but she didn’t exactly have a choice.

“I leave today. You are going to the WKIL van to help the Four.” There was no need for them to specify whom they were referring to; everyone knew about the four killjoys who led the rebellion.

She ignored the niggling thought that Autumn Assassin was tired of her. “Why?”

“I’m not making you go back there,” they said firmly. “That lot is going to need help anyways, since Newsie’s out of commission right now.”  
Somewhere in Chimp’s blurry memories of the day they had arrived at the hospital, she could recall the person who had pulled her out of a burning building carrying NewsAGoGo into the hospital. She hadn’t recognized either of them at the time, both covered in blood and ash and dirt, but thinking back, she did.

“I’d say you could come if you really want to, but I don’t trust you to exactly do what’s best for you,” Autumn continued.

Chimp shook herself out of her thoughts. “Probably smart.”

“I figured.” They led her outside, squinting briefly in the sunlight before they seemed to find who they were looking for. “Cherri! Cherri!”

Cherri Cola turned from where he was standing over by a van. “Yeah?” He looked marginally more put-together than the last time Chimp had seen him, or at the very least less blood-splattered. The fierce desperation was gone from his eyes as well, replaced by a dull tiredness.

“I’m leaving Chimp with you and the rest of the crew, she needs something to do and I need to head back to the town.”

“Be safe, Autumn. You’re not invulnerable,” Cherri reminded them.

“I know, I know. I’ve gotten banged around enough to figure that out.”

“Maybe you should be more careful then.” His voice was wry.

“You’re one to talk, mister ‘grabbed a knife out of an exterminator’s hand’.”

“Well what was I supposed to do, let them stab my sister?” Cherri turned to Chimp with a sigh. “Welcome to the chaos.”

Chimp hadn’t intended to stick around on this planet, much less in the desert or with the same town full of killjoys. She had supposed if she didn’t die in the first few weeks after the town burned, she would go past the Zones, see what was out there and probably die along the way. It wasn’t as if there was anything to keep her here, now that her crew was gone.

But the first week, she found there was always another task that needed doing, always a reason to delay simply walking away and seeing how far she could go. Autumn Assassin had been right about the rebellion leaders needing help now that NewsAGoGo was injured- as it turned out, there were many, many things to get done when you were dealing with a town full of injured and newly homeless killjoys. So Chimp stuck around the first week because of that, and the second week, Cherri gave her his exhausted stare and asked if she minded watching the van for a bit. 

“D and Lil are doing other things, and I just want to visit Newsie for an hour or two. I’ll be back,” he promised, stifling a yawn.

Chimp might have been four years younger, but Cherri looked young to her regardless in that moment. Too young for all this shit, just like her. So she managed a small, verbal “Go on, I’ll hold down the fort. Newsie will want to see you, I bet.”

His smile was tired but real. “Thanks, Chimp. Be right back.”

She watched him hurry off, thinking maybe the world wasn’t so awful if there were still people who cared so strongly about their siblings. Her world might have been awful, her world might have been pounding grief and endless numbness, but it wasn’t all entirely horrible.

The killjoys ended up camping around the hospital for almost a month, at first waiting for the injured and then because there was nowhere else to go. People who had lost their crews or part of their crews were starting to condense into new ones, quartets and quintets and more forming as shattered crews combined and rebuilt. Chimp chose not to join any of the newly formed crews- the only people outside of her now-dead crew who liked her were the Four, and it wasn’t as if she would be around long enough to be a contributing member anyways. She thought, at least. So she hung around Newsie and co. instead, helping out where she could and sleeping on the floor of their van. 

Don’t get attached, Chimp told herself firmly. They’re not your friends, they just feel bad for you. You don’t want them to be your friends, either they’ll die or you will and it will just be more pain. 

If she repeated that she didn’t want their friendship enough, she could almost pretend it was true.

About a month after the terrible day, White Lily spoke to all the survivors again. Everyone who could was sitting or standing around on the collection of cars as Lily climbed on the hood of Autumn Assassin’s car to be seen better, a moltely assortment of teenagers and young adults who had had everything taken from them.

“Hey, crash queens. Hello there, motorbabies and angel kissers.” Lily’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, but it had the effect of making you feel like she was speaking to you specifically. “It’s been a rough month. More than rough. I don’t need to tell you what happened, you all saw that destruction firsthand. But there’s some good there- Better Living sees us as a threat now, and they acted accordingly. They see us as a threat, and we are. We aren’t going to let them win. My crew and I are not finding a permanent living place again, in case Better Living tracks us, but we’re sure as hell not giving up the fight.”

Lily’s voice, which had grown sharp and harsh, softened again. “I won’t blame you if you do. I won’t blame you if you’d rather leave, become a medic, a neutral, settle down somewhere. But for anyone who wants to fight, my crew and I won’t be giving up. We’re sticking it to Better Living, and we’re fighting back. This is no teenage rebellion. This is a war and we intend on winning.”

Cherri, Dr. D, and NewsAGoGo nodded seriously from where they were arrayed around her, Dr. D directly next to her, Cherri at her left hand, and Newsie beside Cherri.

“Anyone who’s with me, we leave tomorrow,” Lily called. “We’re the killjoys, and we’re going to make some noise!”

That was met by a whoop from the crowd, and Chimp cheered along with them even if she still felt numb. Somewhere along a month of helping the four, she had decided maybe it was worth sticking around for a bit. These idiots were probably going to die without her. Not that she cared if they did, obviously.

So the killjoy cars took to the road. The vast majority of the town had decided they would follow White Lily wherever she led, and Chimp supposed she was with that group now. 

“So, do you guys want to kick me out or something?” It was a typically sunny afternoon when Chimp first dared to ask that sitting on the hood of the van in a little camp the killjoys had set up that day. Cherri and Newsie were fighting over which one of them was more of a self-sacrificing idiot (Chimp was pretty sure Cherri was winning with his ‘you dive-tackled an exterminator to help me’ argument), and Dr. D and Lily were throwing together some sort of dinner.

Cherri looked over from where Newsie was now saying something about ‘you run into burning buildings to help people’. “Why the fuck would we do that?”

Chimp shrugged. “I wasn’t part of your crew originally, you guys let me stick around because you felt bad for me.”

Now D was setting down the spoon he and Lily were using. “It’s true, we meant it to be temporary. But you’re still welcome to stay.”

“Yeah, fucker,” Newsie added. “No backing out now.”

Chimp reached for her voice and found it failed her, instead signing, “I’m still just….not very helpful.”

"She says she's not very helpful," Cherri offered, frowning.

It took that for Lily to look up from cooking and step in. “Chimp, you’re no more or less valuable to the crew than any other member, and you’re always welcome here. We’re not going to kick you out because of how you came to join- Newsie ended up with us because she was stuck in the same room by Autumn, and Cherri ended up with us because he happened to know how to make an FM radio happen. The fact that it was tragedy that led you here doesn’t make you any less of a worthwhile crewmate. We won’t force you to stay- it’s a heavy burden to be part of this crew. But you have a place with us, Chimp.”

Chimp crossed her arms and then quickly uncrossed them to sign, wishing her eyes didn’t sting. “Guess I’ll stay then. Make sure you guys don’t die. Not that I really care or anything.”

Cherri and Newsie abandoned their argument to come hug her, Newsie first and then Cherri wrapping his beanpole arms around both of the others.

“We care,” Newsie whispered into her ear when she leaned down to hug them.

Chimp blinked fiercely, unable to come up with words. So she just squeezed Newsie tightly as Cherri smiled at them both.

Newsie and Cherri became the duo she hung out with more often as the days wore on; they were closer to her age, especially Newsie, and both made an effort to welcome her. Newsie was always dragging her into shenanigans, and Cherri sat down and taught her how to work the radio station technology just like he had apparently taught Newsie.

“She’s better at it than me, now, but don’t tell her that,” Cherri had whispered conspiratorially as he showed Chimp what all the buttons and wires were for.

“My lips are sealed,” Chimp had whispered back.

It felt nice to be smiling again. 

So the killjoys kept moving, picking up more and more people as they went. Every night they formed a camp, sometimes staying in a place for weeks at a time, but never more than a month or two. The set of cars would pull up, killjoys piling out to pitch their tents or sleep on the ground. Usually, several communal fire pits formed, large groups of killjoys working together to find and cook enough food for the group. Chimp found out quickly that the crew she had somehow fallen in with ate with Autumn Assassin and the former members of the House of Soup (she still wasn’t quite sure the story behind that name, but Cherri assured her there was one). That was where they would meet every morning and evening, clustered around the fire pit that Autumn set up, usually with some bickering between the younger killjoys.

During the day, the fighting didn’t cease- the crews might have argued less between themselves, but they couldn’t always be running from Better Living Industries. There were always more dracs, more scarecrows and on occasion, exterminators. Chimp ended up sticking mostly by Dr. D, who did the least fighting out of all the crew, but he still fought some. None of them didn’t fight; this was war. They had to fight.

None of them could ever forget that they were fighting a war, either. Not as attacks rained on them, not as killjoys came back injured day after day, some needing to go to hospital, even. Chimp noticed that White Lily liked to be the one to bring groups to the hospital if many killjoys were injured at once, although she didn’t know why. It was a thankless job, bringing in killjoys who might or might not live, waiting exhausting hours for news and comforting the crews of those fallen. Maybe that was why Lily liked it, maybe she thought she deserved it. Chimp still didn’t know entirely how the leader of the rebellion really worked. It was easier to see the others as human now that she lived alongside them, slept on the same uncomfortable van floor and later the same crowded tent, ate the same roughly edible power pup, but Lily still had a way about her that Chimp could never quite pin down.

She got a much better insight into the mysterious leader when she actually accompanied Lily on one of those hospital trips. It had been a particularly rough clap with many killjoys injured, including an entire crew. So Chimp was helping the other bundle that crew into the van, cars of other killjoys surrounding them as they drove for the hospital. 

It was thankfully quiet in the lobby of the hospital when they hopped out, although it wouldn’t be that way for long. They had to get the most injured in first, Lily hefting one in her arms and nodding at Chimp to do the same.

“We need medics, preferably senior ones, and quick,” Lily told the person working the front desk. 

“I’ve got you,” the neutral said dryly. “Cassandra! Maya! Max!”

A duo of medics hurried out, one tiny one and one blonde one. 

“I said you can call me Cassie, Martha,” the small one reminded.

“We’re on shift. Now can you take one of the worst injured?”

“Of course.” The medic who was presumably Cassandra hurried up to Chimp, quickly scanning the killjoy she was holding. “Oh dear. Hand them to me, please?”

Chimp eyed them dubiously. “Are you sure you can carry xem?”

“I’m stronger than I look,” they promised. Chimp had her doubts, but she let the medic lift the killjoy away just in time to turn and watch Lily’s face light up as a third medic arrived. It wouldn’t have been obvious if you didn’t know what to look for, but Lily was always more expressive than say, Dr. D, and there was instantly a sparkle in her eye and a small smile on her face. 

“Maya!”

“Lily! A bit of a rough clap?”

“Really rough, honestly.”

“Need some help organizing people?” Maya’s tone was light, but her offer was clearly serious.

“Yes, please.”

Chimp found herself mainly shuffled to the side as Maya and Lily figured out who needed help most urgently and which medics were best suited for the task, shuffling people around with ease. They were incredibly effective as a team, and she supposed they must do this every time. Which also explained some of why there was a tiny grin on Lily’s face as she settled back down to wait, Chimp plopping beside her. In Chimp’s opinion, there was nothing to be happy about here. Only shitty hospital chairs and injuries. But Lily had clearly found her spark of happiness, watching the medic named Maya with a tiny hint of warmth on her face. Chimp almost had to restrain herself from making a kissy face as Maya wandered back over with a tired sigh, giving Lily a warm smile.

“All are stabilized, Cassie and Max can take it from here.”

“Thank you so much, Maya.”

“Of course. So how’s it been with the chaos crew?”

“Chaotic,” Lily said dryly. “Chimp’s moved in permanently, so she, Newsie, Cherri are always up to shenanigans- you’ve met Chimp before, right?”

Maya turned her gaze on Chimp. “Yeah, I think so. Hot Chimp, right?”

Chimp nodded, and glanced down, signing “And you’re Maya?” She hoped Maya would understand the Zone Sign Language that her crew used- Cherri and Newsie seemed to get it mostly, although they knew American Sign Language, which was close but not the same.

“That’s me,” Maya agreed with a smile.

Lily grinned. “So now you’ve met trouble-causer number three.”

“Don’t listen to what Lily says,” Chimp told Maya. “We are not getting up to shenanigans.”

“What do you call tie-dying multiple of D’s shirts, then?” Lily demanded.

“Improving his wardrobe.”

“I’m still counting that as a shenanigan.”

“You’re just salty we didn’t dye your shirts too.” Chimp paired that with a joking smile. Maya thought that was hilarious, thankfully, which meant Lily laughed along. 

“Well, I will say, you did a good job. I still doubt they appreciated it though.”

Chimp kept her smile. “They just don’t have taste. Cola will appreciate it, though, so News and I are dying his shirts while he’s going out to Zone Six.”

“Why?”

“He’s like, 90% of our impulse control.”

Lily and Maya thought that was funny too, a brief moment of laughter in the shitty situation they were all stuck in.

Before long, they had updates on the injured and were able to decide who could go back to the camp and who would stay and wait for the rest to recover. So Chimp was able to head back home, and she and Newsie made good on their promise to tie-dye Cherri Cola’s favorite shirt.

And then the Analog Wars began. 

Officially.

To the killjoys, of course, it had already been a war, but in the later history books, the start of the war wouldn’t be until they managed their first major attack.

“Better Living is setting up camps like ours,” Lily said that evening. It was now six months after the raid on the killjoys’ town, two months after the hospital visit Chimp had come along on, and the five of them were meeting in their strategy tent (a strategically repurposed backpacking tent). “Trying to extend their reach into the desert.”

“We need to nip that in the bud,” D said near-instantly. They were frowning, running a hand over their shoulder where they had taken a shot in a clap last week.

Lily nodded. “Agreed.”

Cherri was also frowning. “We can do that, but we need information. How large are the camps? How many of them? Are there exterminators?”

“So far, they seem relatively small; the largest is three full squadrons of dracs worth, I think. There’s two that we know of. Yes, one exterminator to run each.”

“Nothing we can’t handle, then.” His voice was businesslike. “All five of us should go, except maybe D. Three squads of dracs means fifty killjoys or so, we’ll need to keep that lot organized. And we need maps.”

For being twenty-ish and an utter mess in most ways, Cherri was a surprisingly good strategist, as proved by the fact that D and Lily were nodding along.

“I can get those.” Newsie was leaning back in her seat, feet on their ‘strategy table’, a strategically repurposed coffee table that they wrote plans on and occasionally set power pup cans or other things. “Better Living is surprisingly easy to hack if you know the right people. I can get us blueprints in a week, give or take.”

“I can help you,” Chimp suggested. And if it was mostly to work with Newsie, who was going to call her on it?

“Fuck yeah you can,” Newsie grinned. “You’re good with tech, unlike my brother here.”

“Fuck you,” Cherri told her.

“Oh, get fucked, fucker. You’ve got skills, computers just aren’t one of them.”

It took approximately five days for the duo to find the plans they needed, and then the planning could begin in earnest. Cherri insisted he be the one to deal with the exterminator, and much as all of the rest hated to admit it, he had a point. He was the best shot of all of them, possibly amongst the best in the desert.

“But if you die, I’ll kill you,” Newsie threatened.

“That’s not logical.”

“But it will be painful for you when you die twice.”

Cherri flipped her off. “Fine, I just won’t die then.”

Lily was leading the main charge, and D was in charge of coordinating the groups, as Chimp and Newsie would be with a second. Cherri was sticking by Lily for the first part; his role would be to split off as soon as the exterminator was spotted and keep them from doing any damage to the rest of the force.

Chimp knew the others were unhappy at him treating himself as disposable (and she had to admit to a little worry on her part), but none of them could deny that it was a smart plan. And so, approximately one week and three days later, they were ready to charge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semiverbal Chimp :) I am love her. Anyways, let me know what you thought here or on Tumblr! (My url is always-and-forever-a-killjoy.)

**Author's Note:**

> Well? Thoughts? Concerns? Ideas as to what song is this chapter's theme? Let me know in the comments or on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy! (I have no idea what the prize for guessing is, but I'll send you snippets from this if you're interested and guess correctly. Teeth, this doesn't really apply to you because you get them anyways, but if you want *extra* snippets, I guess?)


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